The "IF" Crusade: Independent Female

White House Momma...

2008-09-10T07:07:00.010-04:00

Yee ha! Man, I feel another baby brewin!

OK, I can't take it anymore! So here it goes...

Dear Women of the United States of America:

In case you have forgotten, this year marks the 150th anniversary of the real womens movement. Ah yes....women's rights, we can vote, no more standing around the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant no more! We still have a ways to go (equal pay for one), but hell...we have come a long way ladies. With that being said--what the **** is going on with this ridiculous 20 point rise in support by white women of the PTA mom, moose hunter, hockey mom extraordinaire, baby makin, Vice President Elect, Saucy Sarah Palin.

Let me tell you what her nomination was...it was a marketing maneuver at its finest and the white women of the U.S. were the target demo and man oh man what sorry ass consumers we have become.

Seriously, it all happened like this. A bunch of political strategists brought in some big wig ad execs--maybe from a genius company like Nike or Target, but someone said, "OK, all we need to do is pick some woman, make her "family oriented" make sure she has a boat load of kids, a big mouth, and make sure she is somewhat pleasant to look at and surely all of the white women who have supported Hillary Clinton will jump on board and vote McCain!

Ladies....this is an insult to all of us and does a pistol packing momma who clearly states over and over again that her biggest accomplishment in life was lying on her back 5 times to produce her babies--constitute a great leader. I think not. Have any of you taken the few minutes needed to read her official bio? She has a mere BA in Journalism, was Mayor of a town with a population smaller than my neighborhood (7800) and clearly hates gay people and womens rights. I love gay people, who doesn't love Ellen Degeneres? But that is just the tip of the iceberg.

I understand the mindset--put a woman in there and that will soften the blow of possibly having another blue-haired-old-man pounding our country into the ground. But damn people---couldn't you find someone less mommy and more maverick (as they like to call themselves).

John McCain sounds like he should be a character in Sesame Street--Maverick? Maybe a hundred years ago, then he met his hot wife, helped her spend her daddy's money and bought his way into politics, then he openly insults the women of this country by choosing a running mate who has lesser credentials than our youthful Mayor of Pittsburgh.

This is an outrage. Is that what we have become? Haven't we worked our tails off for the past 150 years to be more than baby makers? My stomach was turning during that Republican convention and I really watched it with an open mind. Up until that point, I was taking a stand as an independent voter and was hoping the Republicans would give me something to work with. If one more woman of supposed power stood on that stage and boasted her abilities to make babies--I was gonna puke.

Tell 18 year old Susie or 28 year old Juanita who both have 5 kids from various Joe's, live on my tax dollars and could care less about the struggles that their children will endure---that the production of multiple children is their finest accomplishment. Hey why not--that is all the Republican women had to offer. Hey ladies, have a bunch of babies, teach your daughters to have a bunch of babies, become mayor of a piss ass little town, shoot a moose and you too can be Vice President of the United States of America!

Lastly, if I were the ad exec brought in during this round table of ignorance..I would have at least pitched Condi Rice. Two birds one stone--a black woman. I love Condi and if you want to read something impressive--read her bio. Remember kids, when John McCain's tapped out ticker decides to call it quits, our fair country will be run by the PTA and the message to all of the would be female CEO's of the furture is--lay down and spread em girls, our country needs more children!

The 3 Year Plan...

2008-07-19T06:58:00.008-04:00

Question: How does everyone feel about my idea that it should be law that married couples MUST evaluate their relationship every 3 years?" Let me elaborate.....

I think we would lower the divorce rate if upon year 3 we were required to sit amongst an impartial mediator and evaluate the happiness and effectiveness of our chosen one. Sounds silly, but think about it. What if when you decided to say "I do"---you do so knowing that you must only adhere to that commitment for 3 years and then you will both have a chance to "opt out" if your expectations have not been met.

Before everyone reads into this as it always seem to happen....I am not referring to me and Numnuts (we are not married), but I am referring to so many I know who have failed with their "lifelong" commitment. That statement alone says it all....I don't think they have failed, but my divorced friends have said it over and over again!

Till death do you part....WOW that is insane! How in the world can you stand there and promise such a thing? That is a lot of pressure!!! There is no other aspect in your life that requires you to succumb to such an idea...till death. I will take this great job, till death. I would like to use your lawn mower Bob, till death do I give it back! My favorite food is pizza..till death. I will honor thy parents..till death. I know many who sadly loathe their parents. You get my drift.

Here is what I believe happens. You are colorfully in love. Awwww. Kiss, kiss, hug, hug..whatever. Back to reality and along comes that dreaded--"Don't worry honey, we won't become that routine couple." Day in, day out, you work, you manage your household, maybe throw a kid in the mix and "POW"--we now have what is to be the rest of your life.

I don't think it is fair. By year 3--you have a better understanding of one another. The va va voom simmers down, you look forward to seeing your mate, but you also look forward to seeing if your mate is going to clean out the garage, fix the damn dishwasher, or throw you on the kitchen floor for a good romp (like he used to back in year 1 & 2).

So what if we have an option to--well, "opt out" without any catastrophic loss. Think about it....when you say, "I do" traditionally, this is "I do" forever. Well, since we all know that is not the case anymore, what if the "I do" was for 3 years and then all parties have an opportunity to sign on for 3 more and on and on. Just knowing that you are supposed to have this mate for life creates a lot of pressure to make it work. Then, if it fails there is so much grief and your entire world crumbles. Ever seen a good divorce? All I see is complete and utter disaster and inhumane hatred--not a pretty sight.

Devising a 3 year plan will soften that blow for the so many that are surprised when their lifelong lover changes his or her mind. They used to call it the 7 year itch. By year 7 you have completely lost your own identity and way too much at stake. By year 3, all joint assets (which means acquired together) will be divided equally without that monstrous battle and if a kid fell in the mix--both parties shall maintain equal custody without the inhumane battle that is sadly par for the course per divorces.

OK, just my thought. Hey, look at it this way...When you want to start a business you are supposed to develop a 5 year plan. Banks want it, private investors want it---you must have one. This soon to be business owner will "commit" to this venture like nothing they have ever committed to in their life, day in and day out. So why not a 3 year plan for something you have little control of?

I mean seriously, who can predict what will happen, how someone might change, or even determine if you really love someone until some time has passed. It is impossible. Just think of the joy and excitement that would come on the 3 year anniversary and you walk out of the room saying, "Glad we both agree" no harm, no foul.

For the record: My parents have been happily married for 41 years and have set the finest example of "till death do you part." Alas, my mom pokes my dad in the morning and says: "Hey you old bastard, dead yet?" It is a family joke..maybe not for everybody!

Good Morning Beaver!

2008-07-13T08:41:00.003-04:00

I have a question that I would love to be answered by both genders. Ready...here goes: Do all men send pictures of nasty, naked women to one another via text message/email? This may sound like a senseless question and I am sure most of the women would say--hell ya they do, but I really wonder.

Here is why..yesterday I was sitting comfortably on our boat minding my own business when all of a sudden something came over me and I decided to fumble my way through numnut's cell phone. I know what you are saying (men) "Oh how dare she?" Whatever..it was there. Anyway, the very first thing I found was a text message sent in the morning from a 58 year old male friend of Numnuts that contained more than 10 wildly open beaver shots. There was some girl on girl, of course the oversized booby babe and to my dismay--wide open beaver!

Now, if you know me, I am far from a prude and I am pretty damn confident in my sexuality, but for some reason it urked me. I didn't make a big deal about it and have it ruin our day, but I did ask him why his old timer friend thought that he needed or should I say would enjoy this first thing in the morning? I mean after all--Numnuts has me to look at and although I may not have the DDD mammoth boobs, I have my assets.

So, ladies, does your man receive these type of morning jumpstarts and are you offended by it? Do you feel it is disrespectful of the sender to assume your man NEEDS to be on the list of ones who might enjoy such visuals?

Gentlemen: Before you hit me with "boys will be boys" at what point (age) do boys stop being boys and become gentle-men? My main response to Numnuts was: Ok honey, how about I put together a slide show of well endowed, firm assed, big shouldered, 6'2 men and send it out to all of my female counterparts? Would you like that dear?

He responded with a simple--No. Then he reminded me that it was sent to him and that he was not the initiator. My money says that if it were not intercepted he would have become the initiator and passed it on to some other dumb ass man friend. Let's not forget the quick defensive comment, "Why are you reading my stuff anyway?" I said, I was horny and looking for some porn, he had no response, of course."

For the record: The man-boy that sent it originally is almost 60, overweight, balding, divorced, and can't find a piece of ass to save his life so therefore justified, but Numnuts has me to fondle at will so where of where is the correlation?

"Your Space" is Creepy

2008-07-12T07:36:00.009-04:00

I have never been one to reject an open forum for communication, but what purpose does "myspace" have in our crippling society?

Here is my opinion on adults who relish in their myspace page. People grow the f*** up! Ok, Ok, maybe that was harsh, but damn sparkles and techno and your how old? Let's start with the basics. One might say, Citizen Sun, you are no better, look at you and your "IF" Crusade. My response before I really humiliate those with a sparkle fetish is: At least the conversations I put out there are in an adult fashion and not to be viewed by children--- Sparkle Barbie!

So, you are 30, maybe 40 something and you spend at least 15-30 minutes a day posting shit about yourself and others so that anyone from anywhere can read about. Ok, fine, you want people to know you are not too old to party. Next, the pictures....come on people, even if you still look ok in the bikini, or those little mid-driff tops, is that something you want potential clients, employers or hell the stalker down the street to see?

It starts with the teeny boopers, like my niece. She claims to be 15--she is 12, she no longer wants to do anything outdoors, she chats back and forth with hundreds of other teeny boopers who post pictures of puppies and sparkles. That is because that is all I allow her to do. Many of her friends have half naked pics of themself, tons of foul language and talk of issues that are way out of their league. Do you know why??? Because they see all of those "adults" on those pages doing the same exact thing and what the hell--it must be ok, Aunt Sunny is doing it. No Aunt Sunny is not! Aunt Sunny is all grown up and does not need to blast half naked, drunken pictures of herself on the www. for the world to know that she has not matured.

Now, the bigger issue...TECHNO AND SPARKLES. This really creeps me out. Pictures of cute and fury animals, top friends in their 20's, myspaces created for 4 and 5 year old children-all done by GROWN women! These mothers even have pics of their little girls in bikinis! WTF is wrong with all of you? Seriously, I get it, you want to retain your youth and exploit your children--nice! Do so in the privacy of your own little twisted world.

When a 13 year old and a 40 year old are sharing the same entertainment and communication tools there is something not right. For the record, my niece is well aware that I monitor her every move and she is fine with it, she also knows that the "grown" women that plaster themselves on there are NOT role models. For those of you who do not set "yourspace" to private--there are small influencial children reading about your big night on your back again--way to go! Some of you even let your children read about your antics! The shame of it.

Ladies, I expect this from our male counterparts (forever adolescents), but not from you. Use the time you spend looking for pictures of fat people farting or a glimmering image stating you are a "Diva" towards something beneficial and influential. Write an article about why our youth is turning into a bunch of morons (your fault by the way) and set an example or create a suggestion of how to help. Myspace, yourspace, waste of space.

Back Again!

2008-07-06T09:27:00.002-04:00

My oh my it has been some time....

What can I say, I can be a slack ass once in a blue moon right? But, I have not forgotten my favorite place to rant. Maybe, just maybe, I had nothing to say. WRONG! I became enthralled with finding a "real" job. So yes..this is what I have done. I have now entered the place I swore I would never be--under the thumb of a corporate giant. EEEK! Yes I have succumb to the robotic world of 8-5. Do you believe it?

Actually, it is not that bad and I am not stuffed in a cubicle all day. I am what you call a professional saleswoman, but I don't sell anything, I rent it. For those of you who don't know I took a job with Fox Broadcasting and basically I am to find those in this slumped economy that have enough dough to spend in order to make more dough. So, if anyone needs a marketing tool that has been proven effective for years and has about 50K they would like to dish out give me a call.

So, the other issues at hand that I always enjoy ranting about....I think relationships (male/female) are the biggest drawback to our daily lives. Don't get me wrong, I like the animistic approach to the mating, but I could live without all the rest. I still have my numnuts and yes he is probably one of the better of the herd, but nevertheless a thorn in my side sometimes. Can't live with--can't live without--not sure.

Family: Good to have, hard to hold. It is so difficult managing their lives too. That brother of mine can still throw daggers even from a distance. How do some people live with themselves? I believe every one of us has a family member that thrives off hurting others. The only recourse for this type of individual is to simply dismiss them. When you are one of two children is can be a bitch picking up the slack for the wayward one, but I survive.

Friends: Necessary and needy. Ever really thought about your role with your friends? True friends wear many hats. I like hats and I look pretty good in them too! I do miss the old hey let's just get together and NOT talk about your woes in life. I for one really try not to complain about life to my friends...that is what family is for. Friends are for comfort and relaxation. They are the humorous buffers between responsibility and reality. So my thought of the day on friendship--drop the drama and use the time with your friends for laughter. No one wants to hear your woes all the time--lighten up.

Finally, make time for you. I have never been one to say it is all about me, but it is. If I can't focus on me, then I surely can't focus on you. For those of you that make more than enough time for yourself and not enough for others---step back me, myself and I--your not that important.

Ok kids, have a great day and good to be with you again.

Political Poo-Poo

2008-04-06T13:19:00.007-04:00

OK let's just throw this out there......Clinton or Obama? Oh, or that old guy? Can't forget him. Anyway, if you are a Democrat you have been given two choices to potentially lead this screwed up country. I read an article last week that claimed white men are voting for Obama simply because they refuse to have a woman in the White House. Those are the men with very small wood by the way.

Then I read one that said many Democrats will be voting Republican if Obama gets the nomination and they didn't say it, but maybe because he is black? YOU THINK? What a screwed up society! What fucking century is it anyway? So these are the so called liberals? Same goes for the women who only like Hillary because she is a woman (lesbians) and the blacks who only like Obama because he is black...sorry sistas' but you won your battle a long time ago--get over it. Nothing but a bunch of narrow minded idiots who pass there useless mindset on to their children--oh what a bright future and another reason why I don't like children.

Has anyone taken a look at the economy lately? Does it discriminate between gender or race? Hey how about only giving white men and women who marry well all the money! No discrimination there!!! It is the result of a very poorly run Republican administration that has sunk us to our lowest economic level. I don't know about the rest of you, but I haven't been this broke since.....hell I can't even remember when! Oh yeah the day I moved back to Pittsburgh! So fellow Americans--do we like the chick (vagina), the brother (big penis) or the short stubby Republican?

I say down with the old white men---any minority at this point will do. Besides can you really look at McCain's turkey neck for 4 whole years. Call Dr. Brandy and order that bastard a Quick Lift.

It's All About You!

2008-04-06T12:53:00.011-04:00

I am so glad to see some of you coming around and joining in. I want to take a minute and let everyone and anyone who may be new to this genre know what I think we need to accomplish here.

When I write something it does not always reflect upon my personal home front. When it does I address it, but honestly there is no need to advise me. What I would like is YOUR experiences and your feelings on the subject, but not addressed towards me and my life. Others need to hear about your perspective.

To put it simply: I always love some good advice, but with this forum it is not to be about me! I want it to be for all of you who may have something to say--an issue on your mind, or simply to shout....Life is Good. Again, since I started posting here several month back the responses tend to be directed towards what Citizen Sun should do.....not what I am looking for. This site is not only for me--I want it to be for all of you. I just jump start it!

I want to spark your thoughts on the subject....also, I would love everyone to tell me what topics they would like to discuss. I will post your comment on the main page and we will take it from there. I do appreciate it when someone gives me feedback, but it needs to be generalized and applied to all parties!

Finally, if you feel that there is some hidden message in my writings that suggest I am referring to you---whomever you may be...maybe the best thing to do is not ask me--ask yourself.

I am grateful to have all of you looking, sometimes lurking, sometimes writing. My Google analytics that is on this site lets me know that somewhere between 15-20 people a day come here----but so few of you write! Why?

So from here on out kids---If I write about stress--address your stress. If I write about sex---address your sex (or lack of) and on and on. There are thousands of things swirling through our heads so let's see what we can spit out! I will be posting some new topics every week so please keep coming back and hey let's throw some humor "up in here!"

Hey ???-I am tagging you so pick something you would like to address. I know you always have something on your mind :)

Gratefully,

Citizen Sun

In My Head.........

2008-04-05T06:44:00.005-04:00

So my entire day yesterday was spent trying to complete all of my ridiculous projects--school shit, work shit, home shit, etc. all in one swoop! Let me tell you what I ended up with---a major pain in my frontal lobe. Man.....sometimes the body will send you a message and guess what folks you better listen.

Seriously--I had a pain in my head that would have taken down a large horse. I never get headaches (because I am usually medicated-LOL), but I worked myself up into such a frenzy that I felt as if someone seriously hit me over the head and the son of a bitch lasted for 14 hours.

I climbed on the couch..assumed the "poor me" fetal position and stayed there for the entirety. Was it my body telling me---"Stop you old bitch, or I am gonna take you down." Maybe. So I listened and guess what I got for it----another day of stress. I could not study for my exam, I did not get my claims in that needed done and the house stuff--well some of the laundry got thrown in--I think it is still in there.

I decided while holding my hands to my pulsating head all day is that I either need to really start doing stuff I enjoy (relieve the stress) or find me a very rich man. Problem--solution. Huumm?

So does anyone know a really rich preferably older gentleman that I can swoon? I told Numnuts last night that this is my plan of action. Screw all of this effort--I am taking the low road. If it were only that simple. Maybe 10 years ago and one boob job later I might have had that opportunity, but even then I was trying to fall in love. What an asshole! Should have found one, married him and spawn a demon child and collected my payment! Just kidding. Sorta.

I suppose I will continue to stress myself out, work towards hitting that good one out of the park and occasionally listen when my body says enough. I wish my body could tell me how to make up for the crippling day yesterday. Oh how I envy those who know how to relax.

Have a stress free day people.........

Take a good look.......Not so pretty.

2008-04-01T08:07:00.014-04:00

The term selfish: devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others.

Know anyone like this? Sure you do.

So what do you think about people in your life who's primary focus is themself? And why do we try and build relationships with this type of individual? It is baffling. I could not for one minute comprehend what it would be like to spend my days absorbed in my own self righteousness. But sadly, this day and age, there are more and more of these people in our everyday society.

No, I am not talking about my numnuts. Yes, he is somewhat self absorbed, but not full on selfish. He cares for others well being, he will give to those less fortunate and he loves his family and friends. Most importantly--he does not lie and cheat to get what he wants..he earns it. I am talking about those who care so much about themself that they latch on to anyone who might GIVE them something more. You know what I mean--those fair weather friends. The ones who are all about you when they are in need (self assurance) and then once you help them pull their head out of their ass---they are on to someone else who they NEED to complete them. They disguise who they are just to get more. Well the jig is up--you are being revealed!

Here's a thought: When that selfish person falls on their face as they will again (Karma) this time--do not bend over and pick them up. You see--the truly self absorbed individual will forever fall and as tough as it may be not to help (because this is who you are) DON'T! Let them learn that they too must support and promote the needs of others. I know--hard to do, but necessary.

Truth of the matter is as follows....the selfish one will finally plateau. They will end up in that place where you know you will never be--alone. I mean really alone. I do not wish this on anyone, but I do think it is time to look deeply at those around you and ask yourself--what has she done for me lately? And then ask again--what have you done for her lately? If it does not equal out or even come close....get rid of her.

I have a long line of loving friends. Most of whom I had for my entire adult life. There is a reason for this. Taking in new people in your life can be dangerous territory. You help them, you trust them and you love them. Then suddenly when it is their opportunity to provide support or admiration for you--they fail. Yes, this does happen from time to time with the seasoned veterans of your life, but they have earned their pass.

So for those of you out there that wake in the morning and only make time to praise yourself--think again. The givers of the world will step over you on judgment day, but lucky for you once inside we will probably do what we do best and reach out that hand to let you in. Earn that extended hand people. Life is in impression and the mark you are making is not attractive.

If you have something good to say that does not involve only you--then call and tell someone today. No one cares about your money, no one cares about your greed, no one cares about your simulated good times---tell us something you have done for another.

Can you?

Never on a Sunday

2008-03-30T15:14:00.005-04:00

Ironically, I hate Sundays. Something about them--most of them anyway. I carry with me a huge feeling of emptiness, loss, misdirection and a soft sadness. I wonder what others are feeling today? What are they doing? In the past month I have alienated myself from the few that I have in my life. I am not sure why......something comes over me and I suddenly see them all differently. Not in a bad way--just different.

The vast majority of time people who come to me only speak of the sufferings in their lives. Nothing catastrophic--just miseries. It wears me down...mostly because I too have misery, but want so much to surround myself with positive outlooks--but where are they? Don't get me wrong--I care about their misery, but I can't fix it for them. Maybe that is what bothers me most. I for one do not drown others in my routine aggressions from life mostly because no one but me can make it better. So why bother.

Everybody has an issue. Period.

Where is the humor? What about the just getting together to share a meal these days? Why is everything about what is wrong? It wears me out. Sometimes it can be crippling. When is the last time someone called you and said--hey I am so fucking happy right now I could piss myself!!!! My response would be--just do it, piss yourself it would be hysterical and good for you!!

Do you think the older we get...the lonelier we get? Shouldn't that be the other way around? Through life you build relationships, meet more people and build that network, but do we? If I think back 8 years ago--I was never alone. NEVER. What has happened to us all wanting to be together. Work? Lack of time? Selfishness...maybe.

Some of you have that network I speak of---so, hold onto it and don't hurt it or take it for granted and please, please, please, make them laugh. Call someone today and tell them a knock-knock joke or something so simple. Then when they laugh at how stupid it was take a deep breath and swallow your need to tell them what is wrong with you today and instead make them laugh again.

My quote: "I give and give and give until I can't TAKE it any more."

My Box or Yours?

2008-02-27T06:34:00.006-05:00

Let's see...where do I begin? It has been some time since I produced yet another, rip, roar, rant so I suppose you can say--I have been idle. All in all things have been pretty--progressive.

The home front while still in existence is exactly the same as it has been for the past 2 years--we exist. I have been on somewhat of a roller coaster ride suddenly feeling as if I should know exactly what all of my next moves are to be--and now! Holding pattern making me crazy. As many of you know I took a leap at checking out the corporate world (as a nobody) only to last a mere few weeks--which really should be no surprise if you know me at all.

I do not understand how people can spend years getting up every morning, going to the same building that they do not own, working in a space loaned to them by someone who has full control of their creative juices and sadly never getting to explore what they love and do best. I met a whole bunch of them at the firm. It was kinda sad. A few of them were genuises (web guys) who only stay there for the health insurance (they have kids).

My short stint as a nobody at a LARGE advertising agency was yet again a reminder that I must stand behind my belief in me and my abilities and follow my passion for taking risks and building my own empire. Thing is...it doesn't have to be a massive empire--just my empire.

Why does work have to be precisely that: Exertion or effort directed to produce or accomplish something; labor. Produce what? Accomplish what? The salary that has met its potential.

Ewwww--that sounds horrible. Why aren't we all entrepreneurs? What does it take to be just that......I know! It takes throwing away all of the ideas that society puts in our heads about following that labor force mentality. Personally, I would rather have a lot less then spend my days absorbed in work that does not stimulate my mind or make me feel good about myself. I am not suggesting that all people go to that "labor box" and simply plug away for nothing, but I am starting to think that most people do. Then, you plug, stress, start to own a few things (society says you should) then you can never leave that "labor box" because if you do----all of those "things" will be jeopardized. Can't lose your things ya'll!

I say, "Who needs all of those things?" That mad rush to buy a house! For what? To own something? There are a millions of things that you can own, but that house now guarantees that you MUST go to that "labor box" and if you ever thought about being an entrepreneur...you better think again. Anyone heard about those thousands of foreclosures? Those poor people have no house, but I bet they have that great "labor box."

I always love to ask people what are you good at. Ask yourself today and them write it down. I mean really good at.......then write it down. Are you doing that today? Is it possible for you to do that tomorrow? Are you happy doing what pays for that house? For the record: I do know some that do enjoy earning their keep--but they also do what they love.

My wheels have been spinning and all of you may soon be invited to explore the launch of "The Cohort Inc." details to come, but with the collaboration of a few great minds---the next phase of take that risk Sunday may soon appear. Of course I will be asking for all of your support!

My next blog is to tell everyone how I have decided on my 40th b-day to hit the sperm bank (or some hot 20 year old) and pray for a son. If I can't seem to teach the ones around me how to be manly...I will have to produce my own. See there's that damn entrepreneurial mindset again!

http://www.thecohortinc.com/ coming soon to a business near you. I want to fight for all of the risk takers in the world!

Someone Call the Guiness Book of Records.........

2008-02-12T06:39:00.000-05:00

Sound the alarms! Call the press! Today is a milestone in my life! It is my 4 year anniversay to Numnuts.....4 years! I can't even believe it! This makes the record books as Citizen Sun's longest running relationship---EVER! Since I am soon to be a fabulous 37, it has me doing some thinking about how this has been my longest relationship and why?

I started thinking about my past slew of men (and there have been a few) and I had to question why did Darren make it so long while the others had failed? Then all at once it hit me.....it has everything to do with my age! There is no way in hell I would have made it this long with my sweethearts workaholic mentality if I were younger. So, I suppose, I am what I dispise.......an aging woman who has settled. YIKES!!!! EEWWW! HELP!!! Just kidding, it is ok. Truth is...I haven't married so therefore I haven't really settled--I call it SITTING IDOL....vrooom, vrooom!

Here's the kicker--instead of grabbing my little Numnuts and doing the traditional woman thing--by saying, "It has been 4 years Darren, isn't it time you step up to the plate?" I am leaving town today on a very exciting business trip and while planning that I realized, hey, I got it pretty good! Numnuts doesn't cause me any grief for my last minute out of town jaunts, he works 12 hours or more a day and only needs me for face to face interaction from 9pm-11pm, he does not question my devotion or committment--EVER-- and all and all.....I do as I please.

My point with all of this is: Maybe the time spent with Numnuts was a major growing spurt and also a time that proved that I don't need a man for my happiness! I always knew that one, but I have learned how to manage both ends of the spectrum. So to Numnuts--I say thank you. I can't gaurantee another 4, but I can say that he has been honest, let me grow on my own and throughout the time I learned so much about myself.

For those of you who do not know my Numnuts--as you can imagine, I can be quite the task when warranted...so I think he deserves some credit. Overall, he had the best of care and devotion and for the most part deserved it.....but this party ain't over yet! I feel a huge new sense of empowerment today and since I finally made history for myself---it may be time to shake things up a little!

I told my sweetheart a couple of months ago that everything about 2008 is new and exciting for me--some big milestones are happening. Usually, I change everything in my life on a 3 year rotation....can't wait to see what happens now that I have surpassed my 3 year crunch. Hooray!

Ok...hope everyone is well and feel free to send me congrats on my big achievement! If you know me and my history---you will know that this is a very big deal! God bless Numnuts for breaking the record!

Eve Should Have Skipped the Rib..........

2008-02-01T14:25:00.000-05:00

What in God's name has happened to our men? That is my opening statement with my closing to follow.

Before I even start, if this offends you or you want to create some banter about it---it probably does apply to you. For those of you men (who I know are reading this) that have a problem with what I have to say--bring it on man, bring it on!

Since when did men become such pussies? Yes, I said it--they have no balls and no idea what a woman needs---PERIOD! And it is not just poor little Numnuts, it is the vast majority of men I come across anymore. What the fuck happened to fighting for the woman you want? What about stepping up to the plate and acting like the animal you are? You men talk about us boo-hooin, bitching all the time, not given up the "goods" when the truth of the matter is---NONE OF YOU CAN FUCKING PRODUCE!

I am not going to give examples: Ladies you all know what I am talking about. The big talk game. I gonna do this, I can do that, I rule the fucking universe---you don't rule shit! I have never thought in a million years I would run into a society of men that have no fucking idea what it is to be a man....to a woman. What did your mother's do to you? I should kick her ass!

Spoiled, weak, mindless, heartless pussies. And I mean it. Numnuts really isn't a big part of this--believe it or not. It is the rest of you who have the chance to be better than Numnuts and fucking blow it in record speed. Wimps. You men wouldn't last a fucking afternoon without us picking up the disasters of your stupidity. Shame on you for losing the backbones your fathers gave you. They were real men.

Ladies if he ain't producing and crying like a little bitch or talks even remotely wrong to you--get rid of him now before you get stuck there thinking he is gonna grow some balls. He won't, but maybe, just maybe in some cave in the middle of nowhere some guy is shacked up--who hasn't been tainted by society, his mother, or a psycho ex fucking wife--just waiting for you. I can live just fine in a cave with a real man.

Now have a great day folks............love yourself.

2008-01-29T05:18:00.000-05:00

This will probably bore most of you, but what the hell. I have a solution for anyone who may get a spare hour, have some anxiety, come home and be disgusted by the days events, view the world as a slow progression as the armpit of the world, or just plain want to feel good........

You must turn on TCM (Turner Classic Movies). I for one am not much of a T.V. rat, so trust me when I tell you this is worth a look. It never fails---early morning, late night, Sunday afternoon, rainy Monday, this channel will uplift your spirit and remind you of how exceptional the world used to be.

This morning I woke at 4:34A.M. and decided to stay there for a few extra minutes. Instead of the misery of the morning news (murder, corruption, finance woes, those disgusting presidential elects) I would enjoy my favorite click to good ole TCM. I really lucked out!

This morning a great classic titled "Red-Headed Woman" was on and I was immediately enthralled. Produced in 1932, starring Jean Harlow and Chester Morris--is a perfect addition to your morning delight. Oh the beauty of those people and those days. I would have killed to live in the that era! The woman are smart, sassy, sexy, and RESPECTED. Everyone is dressed, the men are shaved and obviously smell good (I love their suits and hats), the women have places to wear a fabulously tailored dress (they have gorgeous curves), the drama is healthy and enlightening--not grossly violent or sexually fowl, their grammar is perfect and they REEK of class and seduction.......everyone. Let's not forget the music--you can actually feel the pleasantries of the notes.

Could you even imagine such a beautifully simplistic way of life? I can. Thanks Ted Turner for showing me at any hour of the day what I missed and how fucked up we are now. Come on....women respected? Watch an old movie people.

Cheers.

The Power of One.......

2008-01-27T08:02:00.001-05:00

For the record: I do not think this picture is funny, I think it is sad and displays the twisted anger of those dealing with this loss.

Why do we put the fate of our own happiness in the hands of another? Everyone I know does this. EVERYONE! So, before I get deep into this--and the skeptics "come a runnin"...every person I have ever met has allowed another person to cause them severe misery at one point in time.

Why do we let this happen? Is it that love thing? Is it that we don't love ourselves enough? Aren't there more important things we could be doing with our time than being absorbed in emotions caused by another human being?

Here is what I think: We are taught to establish relationships, we are groomed to make them meaningful and beneficial to continue the procreation of the human race. Problem is...we have to pick one person. How in the world is one person supposed to meet all our desired needs? It is impossible so we make due with what we have and go on.

We pick a person, (sometimes abruptly) and we try and try to make a wholesome and loving environment usually sacrificing many of the joys of life, but we try. Now what happens when that someone decides they don't want us anymore or we don't want them? You have just spent years accepting the relationship, building a future and suddenly you are left with nothing. According to many in this situation--the nothing they feel is ridiculously overwhelming and sometimes intolerable. So what are they to do?

A very good friend of mine has had his entire world overturned thanks to the unwarranted decision of his wife of 20-some years to leave him. According to him--she would not accept his attempt to provide more for his family when he had to start working 100 hours a week. This man who is insanely kind and loving is now shattered because she so selfishly decided not to accept his work ethic.

I being someone who has lived with a workaholic for several years understand her dismay--slightly, but I could not imagine destroying someone just because they are making an attempt at a better life for me and our family. This is all that he has done. The first 20 years this guy was home for dinner, always there for the kids, pampered his wife and now he is left to pick up the pieces that she tore apart and it is very trying.

My friend is just one of many whose world is upside down because of another. How can one person be so powerful? How long will it take for this great guy to heal those dagger wounds? Why is so much precious time and energy taken from him all because of another human beings ability to be so wretched? It is an age old mystery.......

My point with all of this is: If we love ourselves more than we love another, will it help us when the relationship fails? How is it possible for some to just walk away, rip the life out of another and go on? I for one have always been pretty good about moving on--it has come with age and experience. I have also found a tremendous love of thyself. I wasn't looking for it, time spent alone will do that to you, but I am glad I found it.

So the discussion here today folks is--what can we do to protect ourselves from the wrath of another. If we lose someone of are forced to release someone, what is the best way for a quicker recovery? If you are a heartless freak, then this one is not for you. I know a lot of people going through divorce and I have to tell you---it is frightening. The anger and hurt is almost inhuman. Maybe we should just spare ourselves the potential dangers and not expect anyone to fulfill us.....but what would we have then? It is just so confusing.

Should we all just become emotionless zombies? Oh and for those are thinking...just find someone else--that migth work for some, but I doubt it is the best answer. My suggestion to my friend is for him to turn that hurt for her into admiration of himself.

Any thoughts?

Moral Martha is a Drag.........

2008-01-19T06:28:00.000-05:00

When we decide upon our choice of mates--how do we really know that this one is the right one? What if you venture off on a weekend business trip and just happen to sit next to someone who actually finds you as interesting as you really are? What if this person has all of the elements you have described in your head a million times as your perfect mate? What if they are available and you are not?

I bet this happens all the time. But how many people go home and think, "Boy, I would love to have someone like that!" I bet that happens all the time. What if they have that thought and then look over and find their chosen one is the exact opposite as this fancy new stranger? I know what they do.....they sit there and stay miserable to uphold their morality.

Here is what I say to that: Fuck morality. Besides the tales of heaven and hell, what has morality ever done for anyone other than really give you a good conscience? Did you ever get an award for your good morality? Did all your friends and family stop by with a "cake and presents" the day you decided to NOT accept a drink from a hot guy across the bar? Did you get a promotion and corner office because you live your life as "Moral Martha?" NO.

Oh and for those who always think I am referring to myself with this one--your right! Anyway, here is the meanings of morality:

1. conformity to the rules of right conduct; moral or virtuous conduct.

2. moral quality or character.

3. virtue in sexual matters; chastity.

4. a doctrine or system of morals.

5. moral instruction; a moral lesson, precept, discourse, or utterance.

We immediately need to remove #3. And for #4, I want to know who wrote the doctrine and why do I have to live by a system? For #5, who's the instructor and what do they know.

Oh I bet you christian people are boiling about now! How dare she...the morality she speaks of was spoken by Christ. Right? I feel ya, but Christ lived a very, very, long time ago and let's face it things have changed. I haven't seen a camel rolling through the grounds in awhile....so maybe we need to update our "new and improved" list of what is and is not morally acceptable.

For the record: I am not only referring to morality as per relationships--we are plagued with its restraints in everything we do. My definition of morality is one word: Guilt.

We feel guilty for eating wrong, sleeping too much, talking too loud, looking too good, have big money, having no money, I have even felt guilty for giving too much. I assure you in my mind this all goes hand-in-hand. I am going to have to get back to this subject later, but if your out there and you want to beat me up about the Christ thing, or you want to tell me the world would be utter caios if we dropped a bit of the morality then please.......I would love to hear from you. Our woes in the world have nothing to do with morality--it comes from greed. Entire new subject for later.

Again for those of you who think my writings display some hidden message of misery--pick up the phone and call me. You will see I am a very happy person with a wicked mind that likes to rant--so don't be so dramatic!

Citizen Martha

Is it Really Easier? No, it Sucks.

2008-01-13T07:29:00.000-05:00

Hello sweets. That is my newest greeting to those I care for. Anyway, lately I have found myself discussing and of course listening to a various individuals talking about their "committed" relationships. What I have discovered is no secret, but to hear it over and over again and quite honestly relate to it in some sense is sad and should be addressed.

My "research" has shown that more than 85% of women who are in a committed relationship for more than 3 years claim to feel trapped in their supposed bliss because they CAN'T AFFORD TO LEAVE! YIKES!!!!! I swear to God this has been the response of almost everyone woman I come across. It send chills up my spine when I think about this (as I do of course) over and over. So let's explore exactly what that means.

Let's say her name is Sandy. She is 32, beautiful, has two little ones (also beautiful) and her other half, Paul is the primary bread winner. Now Sandy has remained a great companion, mother, home maker, and even put a massive attempt into obtaining her education and has dreams of becoming a marketing mega star! Here's the problem: Paul is an ass. He treats Sandy like a child and not like an equal. He clearly enforces that she is the lesser of the two because she is not providing the household income and has even tossed poor Sandy and the babes to the curb a few times. Tell me what Sandy is to do?

My immediate response to Sandy is to bury that SOB, but in reality she has no where to go, no money to get there, and ultimately feels like a failure breaking apart her family. So, she stays, takes his verbal abuse and will most likely spend the rest of her life wishing she were somewhere else. The only other possibility is when Sandy finishes school, she will get a job in her desired career path and be able to tell jackass Paul to go fuck himself. But do you know how hard that will be with two kids in tow? I couldn't even imagine.

Next case: Gina. She and her man Tony have been together for 4 years. They had planned early on to work together to make a future and all was heavenly bliss for the first 2 years. Tony is a workaholic, never even attempts to spend any time with Gina, nor does he appreciate her for the never ending love and care that she displays for him on a daily basis. So what's the problem? Gina has been busting her ass to achieve a new career goal for the past 4 years. When she met Tony she had just recovered from falling flat on her face after a 10 year run of independent success and failure. OK still no big deal, but here it comes.......although Tony is not a bad guy per say, he has never taken any interest in her abilities, potential, dreams or any of her wants and needs. He has basically pulled her in and left her to spend 7 days a week with no one. For the record: Tony does not share in his success with her--other than paying the majority of the household bills. She fends for herself, but has the ease of not paying the mortgage. Her name is not on the house so she refuses to pay rent to him. Tony throws that one in her face all the time.

Why you might ask? Because Tony is again the primary bread winner. His income surpasses hers and he is well aware that if Gina leaves him because of her loneliness she will struggle economically and her plans that she has been working on for their future may crumble because she will have to probably work 2-3 jobs to remain in the lifestyle she is accustomed to. OK, some might say, "If she is that unhappy then she should just leave and so what if she has to live in a little rinky-dink apartment and work 10 jobs." After 4 years of truly standing beside her man, making his life as comfortable and pleasant as possible..why should she have to struggle and give up her dreams just because he is a spoiled baby? So she sits and she waits. She is waiting for one of two things: Either Tony is going to wake up one day and realize what a prize he really has (in reality we all now this is not going to happen) or Gina is finally going to get what she is working towards and then be torn as to whether she CAN leave him or not.

You might be saying--why wouldn't she leave him if she is that unhappy? Here is her answer: The guilt is overbearing and although Tony could care less about her happiness, she knows he is not a bad guy. She also is one of those women who is prone to putting every one's happiness before her own. She thinks if and when she decides she can't stand to be alone anymore she will hurt workaholic Tony and that makes her feel sorry. So what do you think Gina should do?

With all that being said the truth of both stories and of the many others I have encountered the bottom line is this: most of the women who are experiencing this type of discomfort really had all intentions of loving their selected mate until death do you part. Now it seems that these beauties are living each day wondering, when and if. Not a good way to spend the day. Maybe, just maybe the Tony's and Paul's of the world will just stop and realize that eventually the ones they hold under the thumb can never be replaced and hopefully for all involved it won't be too late.

Car Shopping with my Favorite Person.....Dad!

2008-01-02T07:28:00.000-05:00

This is his next one...on me!

Good morning friends! I hope everyone is back in action, hangovers from the New Year resolved and ready to conquer the guaranteed challenges that await us. I for one am headed out this morning to finalize yet another would be hurdle that comes with helping my parents.

I had the honor of taking my father (who I love more than anyone on this planet) out car shopping on Monday afternoon. Oh the baby boomers.........so regimented and so oblivious to the technologies and cruelty of the world. Dad asked me to help him go and buy a new car. What? A father asks his daughter to go and negotiate for him? Holy shit---women can't buy cars! Well according to my father he would have no one else go with him but little old me. He also told me about a 1000 times that he does not know what he would do without me. Awwww. To me that meant, hey Sunday don't even try and move away again--you will break your father's heart! Talk about pressure.

At first I thought, "Man, I always get stuck doing the hard stuff!" If you knew my handsome daddy-0, you would know that my old man thinks cars still cost 10K. So, taking him out in hopes of having him sign his name to a few new years of debt is a challenge of its own. We left mom behind because she is much worse with the idea that things really do cost a whole hell of a lot more than they did in 1982.

So my point with all of this is: What a blessing it is that I can help my parents. What an honor it is to have them trust me and only me to make sure they do the right things. What a shame it is that I have an older brother who can only do for himself. My dad (who is not 100% healthy) proceeds to tell me the entire day that this will be the last car he buys. Will it be the last car he ever buys? Yes it will.

I can rest assured knowing that I can and will always be ready, willing, and able to assist him and have earned his confidence and respect. It is a pretty huge deal to me. I suppose the idea of remaining "daddy's little girl" goes out the window when you become the needed "adult" child. I think it is a privilege and wanted to share it with everyone.

Another little secret to share: What my father doesn't know is that he is right, this will be the last car "HE" ever buys for himself. The next one has 2 doors, a V-8 engine and a sticker price that would currently give him a heart attack. But he won't be signing his name, he will be handed the keys and told by me..."Thanks dad, sorry it took so long, but go and put the pedal to the medal and try not to get too many tickets! (He loves to speed!) Well off to the dealership to make my old man proud.

Rise and Shine...It's a New Year--2008!

2008-01-01T07:09:00.000-05:00

A quick note thanking all my fabulous "IF Crusader's" for stopping by last night to take our picture...I would say it turned out pretty good! Nice job taking the pic Jimmy!

Alas, 2008! I have been waiting for this one since the minute I arrived after 12 years "head in hands" at my parents door in 2004....soon to say, "MISSION COMPLETE, NEXT QUEST CAPTAIN SUNDAY!"

I had to throw that out there and if you know me you know what the hell I am talking about--but besides my obvious welcoming of the New Year I suppose I should do what most do and spent a moment reflecting. So....what did I do in 2007 that I should have done differently and how will I learn from my "so called" inadequacies? Don't you love that we are supposed to do this shit! I wonder who made that up? Anyway here is what I think:

I should have had a whole lot more fun.

I should have got a better handle on my anxiety and used it to my advantage.

I should have got out of this house more instead of using it as such a comfort zone.

I should have spent more time helping others--I do a lot of that, but there is always room for more.

I should have displayed my good looks and vast wit in a greater societal circle.

I should have saved more than I spent.

I should have gotten at least one of these millions of swirling thoughts in my head published...that was just laziness.

I should have picked my Sunday NFL lineup better. Very bad year....

I should have told Numnuts how much I really love him a little more and also told him what a pain in the ass he can be a few more times.

I should have had more sex.

That is the end of woulda, coulda, shoulda. I have learned to live my life with as few regrets as possible--I don't think it is healthy to put ourselves down about what we may have done wrong. It is not as if I am going to completely change everything about me just because I have to buy a new calendar!

I for one feel as if the date 01/01/2008 is a reminder of how time is passing and not so much of what is new. I am excited about a few scheduled events this year and feel confident that my holding pattern that I previously spoke of will have slight reduction in time, but besides all of that and the few ideas posted above--all is just as good as it has ever been!

For the record: Once in awhile I get an email from a friend or two who thinks that my writing on here is displaying some hidden message of my unhappiness. My whole hearted response to that is.....obviously we never talk or maybe we just email, because if you spent any time with me (personally) you would know that I am one of the most pleasant people around and truly take each day as a gift. I simply LOVE ranting once in awhile and instead of sitting around like so many do and saying, "Oh poor me" I tap the keys and say whatever the hell I feel like spitting out. No hidden misery and lots of love!

So, may I wish you all a very humble passing of the old year and I hope you find a nice calendar! And please, let's spare the resolution crap! I always hated that one. How about a few wish I woulda's? Then we can try and make sure we help each other do those things this year!

TTYL8R, RU OK? UR MY BFF: Creating a Society of Morons!

2007-12-29T08:06:00.000-05:00

Whoever invented text messaging should be shot! I think it is the number one cause of communication breakdown in our society. Over Christmas I got 6 "Merry Christmas" text messages. Nice gesture, but damn is it that hard to just pick up the phone and blurt it out for a whole 2 minutes? I think text messaging is a complete and utter cop-out and let's people excuse themselves from REAL communication. It basically says, "I have just thought about you for 30 seconds and I really don't want to talk to you, but hey it's the thought that counts--right?"

On Wednesday I took my niece and nephew to the mall. Yes, I know--brave and selfless. Anyhow, they both got new phones from Xmas and the entire ride there and for some of the duration of our visit-- there was the constant beep, beep, beep of incoming and outgoing text messages. I finally put a stop to it, but not once did these kids utter a word to their preteen mutants. It was ridiculous. God only knows that they were sending (probably Aunt Sunny has a fat ass) and if I were a parent there is no way my kids would be allowed to be sending these uncensored, unmonitored, God knows what--never ending-secretive-meaningless-misspelled-blurbs.

Sure let's help all the morons who can't spell as it is create their own language. That's what I would want for my child. No need to spell it properly or even feel as if you must speak, just send it in a text message--that's good enough. What the fuck is wrong with this world? Why are we allowing this ignorant form of laziness to surpass the necessary traditional means of conversation and communication?

I asked my niece if she ever goes over to her little girlfriends house and just hang out. This is exactly what she said, "Not too often Aunt Sunny, we just text." It made me sick. What happened to slumber parties and going to your "BFF's" house just to talk about the boys in school? I saw something on 20/20 last night that stated that more than 7 million people have clicked on the moronic site You Tube to watch this ugly little kid sing a song about chocolate, then this little monster got a commercial deal with Dr. Pepper and appeared on talk shows. It was absolutely ridiculous and if I were one of America's millions of enemies I would be doing just as they are.....LOL at what misfits we have become.

R U ABLE 2 TLK? I think so. Where is the sophistication? Where is the expression? Where is the passion in your voice and sincerity in your eyes? What if I am not telling the truth? Fuck it..no need, I'll send a text message.

Proud to be an American....NOT!

2007-12-28T09:26:00.000-05:00

Well hello friends! I know it has been some time since I tapped my little fingers on the keyboard, but as with all of you--the holidays exhausted any free time. But, I am back and have a whole lot of new things to share so I hope you all will find the time to say hello and flatter me with your correspondence.

So, my thought for today is as follows: How in the world can people maintain professional jobs and be so damn incompetent? I had an appointment this morning with someone at 9 A.M. Having inherited my Italian grandmothers ridiculous 6th sense.....I decided to call said appointment host only to be told that he decided to take a few more days off and would not be returning to his PAID position until next Wednesday.

Since when can you just drop important-scheduled appointments and not bother to contact anyone? Don't bother calling me, I will just rearrange my whole day for this asshole so that he can sit on his fat ass at home a little while longer. This all runs in the same category with me about those who are late, those who completely suck at their jobs that we have to tolerate and my other biggest one--not getting what you pay for.

I ordered an online gift certificate for Numnuts at Boatersworld.com. Do you know these jerkoffs took my large amount of money (immediately) then claimed 3 times to have sent me what I ordered and then accused me of not being able to properly use my email. Now I am no genius, but one thing I do know is how to use this damn computer AND MY EMAIL! It was some little Asian guy who didn't even speak English telling me that it was my fault. I went berserk....

Needless to say, I called back the office where I had a scheduled meeting this morning and tore a new asshole in his supervisor making sure to state that I had lost valuable time and money because of his employees ignorance and negligence.....then I demanded my money back within 24 hours from Boatersworld.com and told them to find at least one person who might speak fucking English to deal with the public. I refuse to take this shit as a consumer and member of what is supposed to be a competent society. Do some research...this type of shit does not happen in other nations. This is a sloppy, American trait.

Everyone needs to watch the movie Sicko by Michael Moore. It clearly reiterates how screwed up our society really is. Americans are fat, lazy, selfish, ignorant and our government is intolerable. Many in our society do not deserve the freedom that we all take for granted. Watch the movie and you will see what I am talking about. We let our people starve and die of illnesses that can be prevented...how is this possible? I for one am 100% for socialized medicine.

Hillary Clinton tried for it years ago (and then got bought out)--maybe this round she can make it happen. Unless of course all of the fat, lazy, insured people would prefer a few more children go without care and let's not forget all of the hero's from 9/11 and our wounded soldiers who now wait for their demise because they have no health care. I could rant for hours on this one, but just watch the movie.....

So, how's everyone else doing today?

Fa la la la la............

2007-12-15T08:35:00.000-05:00

(This is an actual picture of a Walmart store on Black Friday--scary, isn't it?)

My, my, my.....where have the days gone. It has been almost a week since I bitched about the Steelers. Now I get to decide if I want to give up on them this week or not---again!

So, what have all of my fine "IF" contributors been up too? Let me guess--scrambling around to get Christmas in order so that all of your hard work and efforts can be squashed within a matter of hours? Moving money around from here to there so it doesn't look like you have spent as much as you have? Making the plans on how in the world you see everyone in the short hours provided in the Christmas timeline? Scrambling to get the cards out even though we know everyone just opens them and says, "Oh that was nice."

If this is you--then we have something in common. I would love to revert back to the childhood excitement once in awhile. Do you remember lying in bed Christmas eve just praying that sleep will find you so that you can run downstairs in the morning to confirm that you have been a good girl/boy? That was the best!!!!

Do you remember where you were when you found out that Santa was really mom and dad who were dealing with all of this anxiety? I do. My brother ruined it for me. He dragged me out of my toasty warm bed and we crept down the stairs, peeked around the corner and saw the pseudo "Santa & Mrs. Claus" putting all the gifts that my father broke his back to provide--perfectly around the tree. I should have known at that point my brother would turn out so troublesome!

Anyway, in the midst of all of our madness to ensure a bright and cheerful holiday for those we love--I suggest we stop for a minute, close our eyes and get back that feeling of excitement, if just for a moment. I did it yesterday (while Darren and I were fighting over where to park at the mall) and it made for a better event!

We must keep in mind that millions around the world would kill for the luxuries of life that we so easily take for granted. As American consumers it seems our biggest concern during this time is deciding what digital picture frame has the best resolution and will Best Buy really get more Nintendo Wii's before xmas? The shame of it all..........

Stop, breath, and thank God.

Feminine Instinct.............

2007-12-10T07:12:00.000-05:00

Thanks to the Pittsburgh Steelers inability to cover the spread that should have given them hope---my Christmas is canceled. See what happens when I have too much time on my hands! I really need to get out more and gambling should be illegal!

Just kidding--it is a lot of fun as long as you don't lose more than you have. I know many of you are big Steeler supporters, but I think I should have gone with my old ways of betting...

PICK THE BEST LOOKING QUARTERBACK! When I was a teenie-booper I would spend every Sunday at my Nonnies house watching and picking every game on the tube and eating the best damn sauce in the country! My uncle and I used to put our money where our mouth was and attack the NFL lineup: 2/3 team parlays, teasers, straight wagers, and my old favorite, "I'll take the points--love to support the underdog."

My strategy used to be designed around the color of their uniforms and the attractiveness of the quarterbacks. I used to win all the time. I loved the Dolphins (Danny Marino and that uniform made my car payment many a times). Now that I am older, I still enjoy the occasional dabble in the Sunday excitement, but I think I need to go back to my old ways.

So, Tom Brady (who is mighty fine) and the color blue (which I love) would have made me a big winner yesterday. This has also worked well with Brady Quinn (Notre Dame) in the past. Another fine example of why I need to follow my feminine instinct.

For the record---I know I am supposed to be a big "Steeler Supporter" but damn they play like a bunch of school girls sometimes. I don't care how good New England is supposed to be.....that was embarrassing.

Hardening of the Heart...

2007-12-07T08:15:00.000-05:00

A very dear and respected male friend of mine has suggested a topic that I believe is affecting him--so it is our duty to see if we can give some positive insight. Since most of us can relate to this issue, I am sure all perspectives will be appreciated. So here it goes:

Why is it so difficult for us to open up and accept a potential new relationship after our hearts have been destroyed?

I will address this from my personal experience. I had a 5 years stint with someone for whom I would truly consider the love of my life. He was not all what I had dreamed of, but he was the only person that I feel I loved enough to have considered marriage and children with. Sadly, he was no where near mature enough or committed enough to make me pursue that direction, but I loved him immensely--still do.

After the end of the relationship which was trying throughout....I immediately put up my defenses and decided that no one would ever make me feel that way again. The feelings I speak of are unconditional love, fear, joy, resentment, excitement, jealousy, anger, betrayal, and unbridled sexual passion.

I was not young per say when this relationship ended...I was 31. When it finally did, I felt a tremendous loss and a lot of feelings of mistrust. I figured if these feeling could result with him, they may occur again and I would not let that happen. So for about 2 years I stayed as far away from any man that could potentially sway me to love again. I really didn't think I could ever fully regain those emotions---even though the one I had originally loved was so wrong for me. I didn't know that then...hell I just figured that out recently.

I did eventually establish a new relationship (the one I have now), but I do think the loss that I felt from my past love has rolled over to make me more aware of his faults and not as accepting. So, is Numnuts being punished because of my previous love. Maybe a little. It is not intentional, nor do I compare the two, but the amount of grief I felt when we parted was so much that I will never let anyone make me love them that much.

So..my advice to you my dear friend: Give it time, do not ask for more than you are willing to give, talk with her openly about your willingness to be patient, and make an effort to show your unique qualities. When a woman has fallen hard..it is something she will never forget. No matter how wonderful life becomes, if we gave our heart once--we can give it again, but it may have shrunk a little or now wears a protective coat, but it can and will be used once the fear has subsided.

If she is truly worth it to you...the time you have with her will be valuable. It may not be or ever be the full amount you want, but do not take it personally. New age women have decided that we can survive without being led by a man and many whose hearts have hardened have found it easier to just do without. I do not think that is the best recourse, but for some it may take years of self discovery and the eventual lonliness to kick in--but the odds are she will come around if you are worth it. And my friend you are worth it so just be patient.

Please share some of your experiences.....

Dear Sunday:

2007-12-06T07:31:00.000-05:00

Thank you for your interest but, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. In other words, I don't have time nor do I care what you want from me. And I am too wrapped up in my own selfish age old needs to give a insanely driven, committed and potentially valuable team player like you an opportunity. I would rather sit here in my big cushy corner office and click and delete every email that comes from great women like you--who might actually think of me as a mentor. My how I love this country. As long as I stay white and old...I am good to go!

Oh how I love the world of technology. Our fabulous information highway has made it possible for people to crush one another without even muttering an actual word. The past few days I have received three different rejection emails. Two were from big PR companies I was attempting to work for and the final was from an online magazine I pulled my hair out to produce a ridiculous "How To" article that in my opinion was better than anything I have seen on their site. And no I am not being biased...it was too well written.

Ironically, I am surprised that I received any correspondence whatsoever. My point with this is how easy it has become for anyone to just squash another in a matter of seconds. Think about it---you can send an email that is of grave importance to you and within a matter of seconds the recipient can come back with a complete and utter shut down of your dreams or aspirations. Crazy.......

I think companies should be required to meet with every individual that has enough interest to even want to work for them. I am not saying that every Tom, Dick, and Rita that thinks they have a shot should be cordially invited to sit with the CEO, but if someone is qualified, educated, and aggressive enough to pursue you--then they should be able to pitch their intent face to face.

If I was a big gun at one of these firms--I would be curious about potential team players. My thoughts would be, "I wonder if this pain in the ass little shit can be molded and guided to make me more money." Simply rejecting people via email is a loss to our workforce and just another victory for "Old Whitey" as I call him who has sat at the helm far too long.

Am I pissed off that I keep getting rejected---sure am. Will it stop me from continuously pursuing what I know I deserve--no fucking way. What I will do once positioned where I feel I should be is make a valiant effort to let those who took 13 seconds of their lives to tell me no---why they should have taken 15 minutes to tell me yes. I am tired of the old white men ruling the universe....I really mean that.

I Forget Sometimes.....But Only For a Moment.

2007-12-05T07:18:00.000-05:00

For all my southern friends...see what you are missing? I do love winter in the city!

Well, sorry for the piss poor mood yesterday, but hey we are all entitled to have one now and then. It is those who continuously have them that should consider medication. I am feeling pretty good this morning....I really do blame hormones for my mood swings. I wrote about it early on when I started this thing. It is the only aspect of being a woman that is dislike.

It is a beautiful morning here in the burg and the "snow is a fallen!" It really is a beautiful sight--unless you head out before the lazy ass salt crews. I can't help but think of all of the people who are effected when this type of weather sets in. I am snuggly warm, sitting at my pretty table next to my beautiful Xmas tree...snug as a bug.

But do you know how many families are sitting right now cold and unable to crank their furnaces to a sweet 72 degrees? A whole hell of a lot. It is times like this that I feel shameful that I have the nerve to complain. I suppose we all forget that once in a while. I am making it my mission to stop and reflect when I do my spoiled baby, oh poor me act. Like I said--it is the hormones. Maybe today we can each stop what we are doing and look at our surroundings and thank the man upstairs and those who share in our vast fortunes. I did.

So, when is the last time all of you fine dressed "IF" Crusaders went through your closets? With this cold weather creeping in.....I bet there are hundreds of great folks out there that would appreciate that sweater Aunt Barb got you 2 years ago. I am going to spent the early part of the afternoon putting together some bags of my privilege together in hopes of warming up a few people. Anyone care to join me? Today may be a good day to give back.

OH AND HEY JIMMY......YOU ARE GOING TO PASS. KEEP SAYING IT, OVER AND OVER. YOU ARE GOING TO PASS, YOU ARE GOING TO PASS--GET EXCITED! IT WILL WORK.

Beyond Disappointment.........

2007-12-04T07:30:00.001-05:00

I am in a pissed off mood with nothing nice to say so I will heed the advice of my dead grandmother and keep my mouth shut. Anybody have anything funny or nice to say--please chime in and I will gladly respond. Yesterday sucked and for some reason it has rolled over to today and if I could blink my eyes and wake up anywhere else--I would.

How are you doing?

Jigsaw Puzzle

2007-12-04T07:18:00.000-05:00

It seems that Life could be compared to a giant jigsaw puzzle
With each person like each piece
Having a place where they fit perfectly
Yet so many in there need to belong
Grab the first place they come to
Then try to make it fit
And because of this
They are never quite in harmony
With their adjoining pieces
Thus they never get to know
The way it was truly meant to be

Author unknown

My Holding Pattern....

2007-12-02T07:33:00.001-05:00

It is Sunday morning and I woke at 5:23 A.M. Talk about someone with severely unused energy. The thing is when I rise my mind is racing and I sometimes overwhelm myself with enthusiasm only to be left.....waiting. I am writing this morning for me and I have a whole lot to say---so here goes.

I have been in a holding pattern for the past 3.5 years that is more snarled than any they have ever seen at NY's LaGaurdia. I have been on hold to unleash my talents, finally achieve the damn recognition I deserve and surpass any income that I have ever made. That my friends is a very tall order.

Let me explain---having moved back to the the place I swore at the age of 21 I would never see again was a very strategic and humble plan that has put me on this hold position that I speak of.

My life was wildly guided my me and me only. Instead of going into the boring (unless it's about you) history of my past...I will sum it up with this. I have never not had some sort of job or income since I was 15 years old. I also never once had to ask family, friends, or strangers for rent money or food. After the loss of my business (my own decision to crash by the way) I had a small stint with friends helping while I tried to figure out what the fuck happened and what the fuck now. It was much appreciated but caused more harm than any damn good. But I am grateful....in case you are reading.

The Pittsburgh move was not to be closer to my family...there I said it. The Pittsburgh move was a last resort, but a planned resort. I had always kept my drivers license in PA. I lived in California, Florida, NC with a PA residence...I never knew why I hadn't changed it and never really had thought anything about it. I figured out why in 2002. Must have been something subliminal.

When I left PA..I was enrolled in college, had a job with some high rolling lawyers making about $40,000 (under the table) and spent every day at 5 P.M. with a bunch of professionals drinking. Sounds pretty good for a 21 year old. It wasn't--I needed to be free to explore my potential---fuck structure and routine. So I dropped everything, and moved. Just like that no plan (didn't need one I knew how to work), left school, and picked a pretty little sunny, yet to explode state--NC. Knew no one there....I liked it that way.

I could go on and on about the next 12 years and a few states later. But I won't...we all have our history like I said. The point here is the drivers license. When I finally fell flat on my face after 12 years...no help....good money.....no money. That crazy notion that has always embedded in the back of my mind--What if? I came back to PA to get the education I proclaimed to have for the past 12 years. What did I just say? I claimed to have the education that everyone assumed I had.

Now why would everyone think that? I will tell you why. Because I am so fucking smart that school was and still is a complete and utter joke to me. Unless you put me in a quantitative (that means numbers folks) engineering situation that will smother the fuck out of the left side of the brain---I can learn it, do it, and explain it to someone else without any sweat. Truth is...it doesn't mean I am a genius or that I have fully mastered the craft at hand, but I can grasp it hard enough and long enough to ensure that others will believe I can and I will die trying to prove it.

That is a fucking art and one that I have yet to unleash. So back to PA. and why? Where else could I go to school as a resident (hence the drivers license) and pay $40,000 instead of $80,000. I am a resident--remember, always have been for some reason. The reason showed itself when the shit hit the fan. My family is here....maybe for once they could help, can go right back to where I left off at my old school, throw away all of the free to roam attitudes and lock myself up for a few years and get that God damn piece of people that stopped me dead in my tracks when I could no longer enjoy the lack of structure.

Hey Sunday, it does not matter how skilled you are--it does not matter how fucking smart you are or how much you love waking up at 5 A.M. or that you have never needed anyone's financial assistance in your life---or that you could help an enterprising firm make millions--today. You need your degree. Other than those wildly exciting entrepreneurs no one will accept you these days without that expensive (should have had 12 years ago)--I could have taught most of those classes myself---piece of---I am in a holding pattern fucking paper.

Whew that felt good. Yesterday I had the uncanny opportunity of meeting someone who could potentially make me a King. Yes, I said King, not Queen. I don't want to be a Queen they are second in command---I must be King. Ironically, I had just sent one of my (as you can imagine) explosive letters to his firm stating my excellence and intention. I had no idea I would be attending a luncheon where he would be speaking-coincidence? Truth be told I just need his firm to place me while I give another 20K for more education so I can really prove I am smart.....that is what the paper says. I think the paper says I have held back all of my potential for another 3 years and it makes me want to explode.

Now I have to play the entry level, willing to work 70 hours a week to show you I can do it, while I get another degree (cause I can), so that the real company I see myself ruling will even sneeze my way. I am reaching for big, big, power. Do any of you think like that? Or do you think settling for a JOB of 40-50K is acceptable? This man yesterday said something that made me want to work for him even more. He said, "People ask him all the time, Can I make money in PR?" He answered, "You can make money when you finally get the chance to do what you love--regardless." The bad part is...sometimes you have to wait to prove to everyone that what you love you can do better than most.

I am not sure what this rant is about--oh yes, my holding pattern. Do you know how frustrating it is for someone so personality type A--to wait for an opportunity? It is like someone is sitting on me while holding a pillow over my head and just giving me enough breath to make it for 3.5 years. Or putting a wild animal in a cage and telling it--just hang on big girl we'll have you out of here in a few years.

Have you ever made a list of great titles you know you could master with the right amount of immediate (a good mentor) guidance with continued and acquired experience. I have and it is wild. I am going to list them.....I really believe I can do all this shit.

I could be one of the best.....

Sports Agents
Professor (I strive for the likes of NYU, Columbia, some place like that)
Magazine Article Writer
Publicist (Big name stars or political figures---this is my dream job!)
Mother (my child would be so well rounded and motivated it would be sick)
Sports Commentator (sidelines) I wanted to do that before it was acceptable--imagine that.
Crisis Negotiator
Advertising Executive (I mean big commercials, not little brochures or piss ass news releases)
Senator (I am arrogant enough and actually care about public policy)
Political/Entertainment Spokesperson--I can spin it like nobodies business
Executive Assistant to a major CEO--I am talking Donald Trump, August Busch III, or Martha.

Guess what? Not only do I need a degree to get anywhere near these exhilarating careers--I better fucking know somebody. There is no way in hell to get any big wig job unless you can get someone to walk your ass in the door. And you better be willing and able to do everything and anything you are asked to do. If I could get a private list of where the people whose careers I want to master have happy hour---I could get the job. That is how the world is run and that is how it will remain.

OK, I am done now. Just needed to get that off my chest. I really don't expect any comments sometimes I just write to hear myself think.

sb

Friday Night Rendezvous.........

2007-11-30T09:46:00.000-05:00

I just want everyone to know what my big Friday night entails. I will be having a "couples night" with my man and his mother and step father. She has started these Friday night gatherings where we eat together and then snuggle up on her new enormous sectional and watch movies. Call the po-lice there's gonna be wild bunch in the burgh tonight!

For those of you who knew me when.........."My how life has changed." Don't get me wrong, I am grateful that I have a potential mother-in-law for whom I can "hang with", but geeze oh man what a fucking snore monster I am becoming. It is times like this that I really miss the good ole days.

This goes to show how many personalities we possess. This morning I was thinking about Vegas. Going there in the past, dancing all night, making strange new friends and man how I would enjoy a trip like that right now. This evening I will be chit-chatting about holiday cookies and saying, "Oh I just love the ones with the kisses."

I have to wonder if there is a way to combine the two? I know one way, but unfortunately the one person who can help me with this is has yet to produce. For the record mom just called and asked me to pick up devil dogs and ice cream.......oh someone kill me.

What is even more baffling is when did my guy suddenly start enjoying these things? I hope I am not to blame for that. I better ask him....

Repeat After Me......

2007-11-28T08:31:00.000-05:00

I would like to someday understand why men are unable to say what they really feel? Is it a genetic malfunction? Is it that they are not capable? Or is it simply they have learned that they can get away with saying as few words as possible?

I think it it safe to say that women constantly express their emotions (even the tough ones) only to find that the person for whom they are expressing them self to (if male) often neglects to respond. I am being very vague about this so here is a fine example.

Gentlemen: If a woman says how she feels about you or a certain subject open your mouth and say something back! It does not have to be the right response--just a response. Nothing is more frustrating to a woman than feeling as if she is talking to a mute. If you are privileged enough to have her tell you she misses you, she wants you, she can't wait to screw you....whatever, use that moment to your advantage.

Ladies tell me if I am right about this: If your man takes 3 seconds and responds to something you have presented to him, does it or does it not have the ability to influence your entire day? Yes, I know...amazing that a few little words could have such a great impact. Honestly, I think it is pathetic, but that's the way the cookie crumbles.

So let's all practice---ready? WOMAN: Hi Mike. How are you? Hey I just want you to know that I really miss seeing you. MIKE: I miss seeing you too. Oh my god!!! See how easy that was? Guaranteed the person for whom Mike just said he missed will have some added pep in her step and be happily thinking of great ways to reward him. It is really that pathetic.

Women are driven by words. Good words, bad words, just give her some feedback. If Mike didn't miss her it is OK for him to tell her that too. She would rather know then assume that he might. Finally the one word answers...OK, NO, YES, SURE---I fucking hate them. I need at least a fragment....so please just spit it out. It could really make someones day.

I am not suggesting that all men are guilty as charged (Don, Jimmy) but the majority I have encountered in my life do this on a daily basis and it is something we women discuss endlessly.

So ladies......is a 3 second response enough to make your day?

Dare to Dream...Then Make it a Reality!

2007-11-27T07:42:00.000-05:00

When I was a little girl I told everyone that I was going to be the first female NFL referee. Yep, that was my one big wild goal in life. I liked their uniforms and I liked that they got to play with all the boys.

To my knowledge that industry is yet to have a female "ref" so maybe I can still fulfill that fantasy.......I would love being able to pat those boys on the ass every Sunday and say, "Good job big guy!"

Do you ever think back to what you dreamed of when you were a child? Do you remember how fun it was to dream of doing those things? Are you doing any of them now? If you had one dream that you could make a reality tomorrow--what would it be and do you think it is remotely possible to fulfill?

My adult dream: Be a critically acclaimed writer who spends half of my year in Europe promoting my work and the other half back home in 2 bedroom loft on the Upper West Side in NY.

Do I think it is possible.....sure do.

The way I look at it--I have at least 30 more years to produce my dreams. I figure the first part of my life was for me to figure out who I am and what I can do. The second is to implement what I have discovered and apply it. If I had my dream too early in life I would have probably blown it and most likely wouldn't have appreciated the effort it took to get there.

I can't stand it when people say, "Oh, I am too old to start that now." I feel that only applies when you are too dead to start that now.

Dreams? Ever thought about making them a reality? Don't get me wrong if the NFL came to me and said, "Hey Citizen Sun, how about putting on these tight white pants and chasing some big men with great big beautiful asses around the field every Sunday." I would be all over it! Odds are I have a better chance at the writer gig, but you never know.....

God Has an Amazing New Angel.......

2007-11-26T12:05:00.000-05:00

This morning I received the very sad word from my lifelong friend Hillary that her grandma that we call "Oma" passed away on Saturday, November 24, 2007.

I remember this special woman as being one of the strongest and influential women I have ever met in my life. She was powerful and beautifully soft all at the same time.

Oma was everything I strive to be on a daily basis. She demonstrated feminine strength long before most women realized they could. My deepest and most sincere love and condolences goes out to Hillary and her entire family.

Jansje (Oma's given Dutch name) means "A Gift From God." She certainly was and now our God has her back--Thank you Lord for letting us share her with you. She will be missed in our hearts everyday, but never forgotten.

Thank you Oma for being an influence in my life.

How Do You Function?

2007-11-25T09:07:00.000-05:00

Dear Alcoholics:

How in the world do you survive? What a tremendous toll you are taking on your body. I had a total of 4 drinks (in 6 hours) yesterday/last night and I feel as if every organ in my body has been violently diseased. You must stop what you are doing at once! If I feel this horrible for having a few drinks every couple of months I feel it is my duty to tell all of you who do this on a regular basis to stop killing yourself! Booze should be illegal!

To me there is nothing worse then spending money to wake up in the morning and feel like pure hell. I consider myself to be pretty healthy and if a small amount of alcohol causes this much pain in a healthy body---I can only imagine what it is doing to your regularly polluted body. Poison my friends, poison. Your liver called me last night and asked me to write this so for those of you who think "No harm in a little drink" RETHINK. Nasty, nasty stuff.

Where is the Excitement?

2007-11-24T08:01:00.000-05:00

In the past two days I have done everything that I had anticipated doing over this brief holiday and now I am suddenly left bored and unfulfilled.

On Thursday, I raced around to everyone's house to make sure I could pitch in and help all of the cooks/hosts only to receive a little less than a nod of thanks. The crowds at both houses sat around all hum-drum and beside my normal anxiety--they all bored me to death.

Then yesterday I got up early...pulled out the remainder of the Xmas decorations anticipating hours of long work and childhood excitement only to get it all done and look around and say, "Well that really fucking sucked." Now what?

Finally my beloved 12-year-old niece stayed the past two nigths so that she could work me for her $80.00 boots (she just had to have) only to discover that once they were bought the fun was also abruptly over.

Where is the excitement? Am I the only one that anticipates things are going to be fulfilling only to find that they are NOT! I wonder...do people have spicy, entertaining lives? If so...could someone please give them my number. I feel so vibrant and young all of the time, but my days are becoming motherly. I told my Numnuts that my lifestyle is perfect for a little Numnuts--although I would rather have my eyelids pulled over my head.

Those of us without husband and child (and I know who you are)---why are we living the lifestyle of the "married and motherly" and not taking advantage of the "free and frisky" lifestyle that we actually have? I woke up this morning and realized that all of the "nice" shit I did the past 2 days actually sucked and I am tired of convincing myself that all of this goodie-goodie stuff is going to make me happy. I am very good at it...but I think it straight up blows.

What if I got hit my a bus tomorrow. The final things I did were make some stupid cookies, dust off 100 stuffed snowmen, buy a 12-year-old (who would rather be on her myspace) some expensive boots and wash a thousand dishes for my mother. Oh shoot me now!

My alter ego is on high alert. No more Mary Poppins bullshit for me---I hate Mary Poppins she is creepy. I am looking for those of you who want some excitement in your life. Let me know if you do.

Gobble, Gobble, Gobble.......

2007-11-22T07:47:00.000-05:00

THE "ONLY" THANKSGIVING SONG---ADAM SANDLER ON SNL

http://www.truveo.com/Thanksgiving-Song/id/153837564

This is a true classic and well worth a look! I hope everyone has a tasty and memorable Thanksgiving Day! I just heard that the average person eats 5000 calories on this day. Isn't that wild? I say eat, eat more, and eat again. Oh and don't forget to thank the cooks more than once.

Everyone needs to get up and carry some dishes and the main cook should sit down. I like football too and probably have a few bucks riding on the game so we should all jump in and get it done!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE! I am truly grateful for each and every one of you.

Have You Ever Noticed?

2007-11-21T08:21:00.000-05:00

Why after 36 years am I so baffled by the likes of Peppermint Patty? Have you ever really taken a good look at this character that Charles Shultz created in 1966?

I was watching Charlie Brown's Thanksgiving special lastnight and I took a long hard look at this mixed up individual. Peppermint Patty is a girl, looks like a boy, acts like a boy, has a crush on Charlie Brown and Marcie calls her "Sir".

I think it is rather strange that such a character was brought to light in the 1960's. I know....strange topic, but I never really took much interest in her until lastnight. I guess as children we do not dig deep into the layers of a person--we simply like or dislike them.

I have to wonder what Charles Shultz was thinking when he made her a member of the Peanuts clan. Ironically, one would think that Peppermint Patty would have been a terrible outcast in those days. She would seem to fit in much better in the 21st century. Nowadays it's almost fashionable to be sexually confused.

I know you are all probably saying, "Citizen Sun has lost her marbles." I just really never noticed how odd this character was......I guess as a little girl I was just happy to see those funny little faces prancing around on the family television. Oh to be a child again......less thought, less judgement and social acceptance. Maybe we should all revert back to our childhood once in awhile and stop looking at the indifferences in people and just be glad to be prancing around.

Slightly Premature..but What the Hell!

2007-11-20T08:21:00.000-05:00

If you know me--then you know I LOVE THE HOLIDAYS! If Numnuts would let me, our pretty house would already be glimmering bright with my holiday lights. But I will refrain...until Friday. My one and only niece and I will be wrestling the old ladies that morning then we will come home and decorate for Christmas...I can't wait!

So with Thanksgiving upon us and the mad rush to please everyone just around the corner--I am asking each of you to take a moment and list 5 things you are truly grateful for. Be honest, creative and remember the tone of this forum..anything goes. Don't be shy and the we all know the healthy, good family, ones.......

Here is my list:

1. I am grateful that I have a nice ass.

2. I am grateful that I am not only attractive, but really smart too!

3. I am grateful that I still enjoy sex and my sexuality.

4. I am grateful for my ability to see the good and bad in people and not judge them.

5. I am grateful for my wonderful life---so that I can spend my mornings doing this!

6. One extra for good measure....I am very grateful for my Numnuts. I forget sometimes, but today I made it my mission to let him know.

OK--there you go.

And you?

Baby Boom or Baby Bust?

2007-11-19T07:26:00.000-05:00

Since we all know my take on children--let's talk about the other blood lined relations we are responsible for.....our AGING PARENTS.

I for one feel it is my absolute duty to care for the well-being of my parents. Sadly, too many "adult children" remain in the position as "child" and continue to take from their parents even though they should be quite capable to fend for themselves, but don't.

My parents are both 60 years old. By no means considered elderly, but statistics show that most life altering illnesses develop during this period of your life and if you beat it---you have a greater chance of survival through the 80's.

So what does this mean to me? It means that I should and can do as much as possible to make their life a little easier. It is my obligation and I do it without any reservations. I know people who still take money from their parents, make them babysitters, basically let their beloved parents fend for themselves with household maintenance and physical obligations.

I say to these overgrown thumb suckers.....shame on you! The years that our parents are discovering are supposed to be joyous and hassle free. We should not drown them with our sorrows and we should make as many sacrifices as necessary to ensure their comfort and security. On a personal note....my only brother is one of these children. He selfishly bombards my parents with his woes in life and I constantly provide all that I can for their comfort.

We need to remember that our parents are responsible for our initial existence and up until we reach maturity, but not for the duration of our lives. The tables should turn and we should want to make life as easy as possible. My parents pretend as if they don't want my help...but they do and they generally appreciate it.

My question to all of you is: Do you or will you provide for your parents when necessary? Do you feel it is your obligation or a priviledge?

Say it, Mean in and Say it Again!

2007-11-18T07:15:00.000-05:00

One thing I am constantly accused of is overly speaking my mind. Is it always appropriate? No way. Am I always right--hell no. Will I stop openly expressing my opinion even when I know it may cause some controversy--NEVER! If I have an issue with my Numnuts--trust me, he knows it and he will hear about it until it is resolved. I have a very good reason for handling things this way........

It is important as women to speak our minds at will. Daily I encounter strong, big-hearted women who have something weighing on their minds, but instead of releasing it and moving forward--they repress it. This can be a very dangerous scenario.

A recent study came out that suggested that women have a higher risk of heart attack and stroke because of our innate ability to just hold back aggressions. We produce a chemical called oxytocin that supposedly helps calm us during times of intense stress (work, children, relationships, crisis, etc.). Sounds great, but here are some facts:

*Women who bury their emotions (to keep the peace) are 73% more likely to suffer from heart disease later on in life.

*Over 60% of women believe their biggest health threat is breast cancer but heart disease kills 6 times as many women as breast cancer.

*Heart attacks often strike without warning. If a woman does not realize heart disease is a health threat, she will not make heart healthy changes or respond to symptoms once they occur.

*Women are less likely to survive heart attacks then men. Doctor's still don't know why. Stress is a major factor in causing heart disease in women.

My point with all of this is---if you have something on your mind please say it, mean it, say it again and get it off your chest. If you don't it may just kill you.

So friends for the sake of your health and to keep that pretty little heart "a tickin" please express yourself today. Let it out, get to the point and then let it go...........

CS

I Don't Like or Want Children...So What!

2007-11-16T07:19:00.001-05:00

My least favorite question-----"When are you going to make me a grandmother?" I absolutely, 100%, HATE that question. The beautiful part is that my fabulous mother is NOT the one asking. This dreaded topic has been haunting me since my very first Numnuts.

I have learned to somewhat take it as a compliment--every would be mother-in-law I have ever had has asked me to make them a grandmother. Guess that says something about me. I tend to give a smart ass answer nowadays. Something like, "When doctor's figure out how to make them come out of his pee pee." Or, when I decide if I really like you." That one always seems to change the subject. I adore my "someday" mother-in-law, but since I openly tell her that I don't really like children (bring on the criticism) then one would think she would stop asking!

Designer purse snatchers (as I call them) are not for everyone. I love my niece and nephew, but I also love sending them home. There are thousands of "IF" women out there just like me that say, "I just don't like them." As much as I love the holidays.....sadly the topic will come up and usually at the dinner table surrounded by his entire family...

It is time for people to accept the fact that it is OK for a woman to admit that she does not carry the motherly gene. If she is over 35 and doesn't have a DPS there is probably a very good reason.

For the record: My niece and nephew think I am the coolest thing since XBox and for those of you who are fab moms/dads...I do love your children and admire your courage. But don't ask me to babysit or come to the kiddie birthday parties. I will gladly send a great monetary gift that has a purpose.

So my "IF" crusaders......care to admit your likes/dislikes for the little ones?

Why it's Good to be Bad......

2007-11-14T05:37:00.000-05:00

If you are like me--you tend to spend your days living by the many creeds of the universe. "Don't do this, don't say that, thou shall not, you'll go to jail if you".......

Who in the hell made up all of these rules and why do I have to follow them? This is what I want to know. And what about those of you who say, "Screw the rules, I am going to live my life for me?" I say--Amen to you rebels because it really does not pay to be good.

Last night Numnuts (who for the record has been fantastic while my girl was in town) said to her..."Stick around, Citizen Sun will make sure you stay on the straight and narrow." It actually made my stomach turn. Since when am I so good that I could guide another on a better path?

I never wanted to be that person. I want to be a hellion. Why? Because if people become accustomed to you ALWAYS doing the right thing then look out when they think you have done something wrong. You might as well paint a Scarlett letter on your chest and parade around town because all of a sudden you are devil girl.

I know a few people who I used to shake my head at and think---How do they live with them self? Now, I have a new attitude. I say, forget that straight and narrow line that is supposed to lead you through the pearly gates. Hey according to my religion big man upstairs ALWAYS forgives so why should I care what the commoners think?

Finally, I am starting to believe that if you are generally bad...think of how much praise you will get if you do something good! Might be worth a try.

So are you tired of being good?

Lucky Little Me.......

2007-11-11T07:19:00.000-05:00

Pittsburgh Steeler's newest fan...Sonnie

I am feeling very grateful today. I can't say there is one particular reason, but I will mention that overall I am one blessed mo-fo! Great friends, loving family, and yes, Numnuts. I try and pick at least one day a week to wake in the morning and identify what is note worthy. Stop for a minute today and reflect on how fortunate you are......you might be pleasantly surprised!

Off to the Steeler game with NC's finest.......Sonnie. I hope those 80,000 people at Heinz Field know what their in for! Have a great day everyone and NM---you are a gem.

Citizen Grateful

What is Yours is Yours...Hey What About Me?

2007-11-09T06:07:00.000-05:00

What is the proper protocol when one partner makes more money than the other? Is it supposed to be 50/50....or every man for them self?

According to Money Magazine women are rapidly becoming the breadwinners in the family. I say hooray, but the studies also show that these women are having to battle each day somewhat denying their success. What gives?

"Women who earn more tend to behave very differently from men who are the breadwinners according to relationships claims money expert Professor Jan Pahl."

I am not one of these women--YET. Numnuts makes substantially more than I do. I used to be OK with that---now it is my mission to surpass him. But when I do---he will want for nothing. Maybe.

Are we as couples supposed to share our earnings equally? Am I wrong for thinking that our lifestyles should be comparable?

I primarily fend for myself-he takes care of the household expenses, but hell--it's his house! I take care of all of my expenses and everything (food, supplies, etc.) that comes into this house and do everything humanly possible to make his life easier. Cook, clean, laundry, his lunches...you get the drift. He even gets his jammies set out for him at night (pathetic, I know).

Our finances are completely separate. I have a problem with that. Do I want access to his checkbook? No way....but when he wants anything and I mean anything...he gets it. This is not the case for me. I am very conservative on spending, not because I want to---I have to.

Is it fair for the breadwinner to eat all of the bread and only give the supposed love of their life a little nibble of the crust? Am I wrong for thinking that he should want to share his success with me? Keep in mind......odds are within the next 2 years...I will be earning more than him. This has been the master plan, which had always included me sharing every ounce of it with him.

What gives?

*For the record...he has done a lot for me, but he has gotten every bit of it back by the quality of care he receives.

Does She/He Have a Name?

2007-11-08T13:48:00.000-05:00

One of my fabulous "IF" contributors just recommend a very flavorful topic..so here goes:

WHAT DO YOU CALL YOUR PRIVATE PART?

My Puta

I just call him tiny! When I was younger, it was Mr. Oneeye.---Jimmy

I call mine lonley---Anonymous

Choochi.....you know who I am!

Kitty---Anonymous

Goochi...anonymous

And the rest of you?

Call David Cooperfield..We Need Some Magic!

2007-11-08T07:39:00.000-05:00

Don wrote:

"Think about it...the only thing that separates a routine relationship with other family or friends from an intimate relationship is the SEX!"

I absolutely agree with that statement and the overall consensus seems to be that we all need to find ways of keeping the magic alive. So, what can we suggest to one another to keep our commitments while fulfilling our personal desires?

I ask that each one of you list a few things that you have tried or that you have considered trying and let's see what we come up with. Here are my suggestions:

1. Once a month meet in a hotel. Go to the bar and casually wait for your suitor. Be strangers, talk, introduce yourself, flirt and then take it to the room. Don't overly plan it...just time and date. Ladies...pull out that lingerie that has dust on it and consider wearing it under a trench coat.

2. If you cook dinner for your mate--how about dressing as a little school girl and be strategically bent over the stove ready to serve..when he arrives. (this ones for the girls--so put your bobbie socks away Jimmy!)

3. Forbidden places. Show up at their workplace, sneak of to the bathroom during a family dinner (Thanksgiving is just around the corner) or how about reverting back to the high school days and go parking!

OK...there are my top picks. And you?

Please take a moment.........

2007-11-07T19:49:00.000-05:00

Today someone for whom I admire and truly love found out that she may be facing a very serious and difficult phase of her life, which concerns her health.

The results are still pending, but as she discussed the details with me all I heard was this amazing woman find humor with something that would make most people fall to the floor.

What I am asking from each and every one of you is this:

Whether you believe in God or not, I want you to take a moment and pray for her. That's all--just take a moment and pray that she will get through this unharmed and ready to keep those who love her most smiling.

For the sake of her privacy let's just call her Daisy. God will know who we are talking about.

Oh and Daisy......I got your back.

Thank you.

Sun

For the Record........

2007-11-07T08:28:00.001-05:00

I wanted to take a moment and let everyone know why this forum is so important. We have some new contributors who may not know me--so I think it is crucial for them to understand that I have a true agenda and why their input is so valuable.

I have dreamed of being a writer my entire life. I took a thousand different paths that kept me from that dream, but am finally in a position to do what makes ME happy, but I want to use it to help others. Many people's lives are wrongly affected due to their relationships.

So where does the "IF" Crusade fit in? As each of you take those few minutes and join me in exploring these topics--I am developing articles for submissions in various publications. Am I looking to get rich from it--NO. Am I looking to discuss matters that in one way or another affect us all-YES. Some might say, "What does penis size have to do with anything?" Maybe our input will help some great guy understand what his woman needs because she has not been able to tell him. Maybe a woman has never achieved an orgasm in her entire life and can take some of the tips from all of you and finally enjoy her sexuality. Maybe she is newly single and hasn't given up on men and wants to get back out there.

Am I an expert in any of these topics? Depends on what you consider expert analysis. My sexual experience is extensive...I am 36 and have proudly lived. Would I be considered a sex/relationship expert? Academically--no, but life experience--yes. AND SO ARE ALL OF YOU! I get very disgusted when I read articles from people discussing relationships and sex or women's issues and it is solely their perspective.

All of the information you share with me with be utilized with one goal in mind. Everyone deserves a respected, loving, powerfully-sexual relationship and together we can guide each other to achieve such bliss.

I sincerely thank you for getting involved and I welcome all topics, genders, criticism, and perspectives. We may just turn all of this into a book and each of you will be fully credited and treated to the party of the century--on me!

If you would like to present special topics you may email them to Sunday315@aol.com or in the comment section and we will certainly address them.

**SPECIAL NOTE: Coming soon--I have an expert financial advisor who is going to be providing tips on investing for the "Frugal Female." The idea is for us to learn how to take what we make (regardless of income) and use it for financial gain and security. Yes it can be done! For the record ladies....he is very handsome. Stay tuned.

CS

Soul Sister Addendum....

2007-11-06T09:00:00.000-05:00

My darling BCA:

You are the glimmering light at the end of a dark cubicle. You are such a positive, fierce female and anyone who meets you should call them self lucky. Your Tommy--while deserving, should thank God everyday that he has you to lean on...I know I do. Thanks for opening up and joining me on my crusade. You are a gift.

Jimmy--I have officially dubbed you one of my girls. Take it as a compliment. I hate girls. You have become a very trusted and needed part of my life. You are my friend without judgement you are my pillow talk pal. I value your belief in me and never stop telling me what a great ass I have! Thanks for being you.

Last, but surely not least....Little Miss Emily: She is someone who met me at my lowest point and reminded me of how to laugh, accept, and find my strength all over again. She is a winner on every level and if God ever wanted to pinpoint one person to show the world "How to be a mother" he would pick Emily. She is a blessed old soul in a vibrant young woman's body! Thank you Emily for always being there and for helping me keep my head up to shovel in the food!

Wife Swap--Threesomes. Not for Me-Some!

2007-11-06T07:44:00.000-05:00

A few years ago several of my "coupled" friends started doing something I would have never imagined them doing. They would party all night and SWAP. You know what I am talking about...lose all of their inhibitions and engage in sexual activities with someone other than your partner and vice-versa.

As open minded as I claim to be--this is something that I have never been able to comprehend. I understand the erotica...but could I stand by and watch Numnuts bang some wildly-willing fresh meat? No fucking way.

Admittedly, I have used my half-tainted-creative-mind to visualize this act during a mid afternoon "solo" romp, but the idea of watching him tear into some new beaver is stomach churning.

Confident or not......sharing your Numnuts (in my opinion) is an admission of you feeling unable to satisfy your mate. As stagnant as relationship sex can become---there must be another way.

Threesomes---let's see. You are single, it is Tuesday, you are having some drinks with one of your fabulous "IF" friends and the 6'2 hot ass bartender is ready and willing.....what the hell.

For the record..the couples I am referencing above (wifeswap) are no longer coupled. Correlation?

Opinions/Experiences?

So What do you Want for Christmas?

2007-11-05T14:11:00.000-05:00

I decided to help you girls out with that dreaded question people are getting ready to ask you.

"What do you want for Christmas?" You can simply send them to this fantastic website and answer, "Anything will do."

http://www.babeland.com/

It is incredibly informative........

Have fun and Merry Christmas.

The Skinny on a Huge Topic........

2007-11-05T06:20:00.000-05:00

OK kids--I need some input on this. I am writing an article on penis size. I need your vast knowledge. The focus is for men to understand that the size (in my opinion) does not really matter. OK, I would be completely out of my mind to say that 2" Charlie is gonna do the trick (although is has happened), but I also know it is a great myth to think that 12" Tommy is our best friend.

Here is what I would like to you address:

1. Does your emotional state control your sexual pleasure?

2. Is your point of orgasm determined upon insertion or full penetration?

3. Positions that increase/decrease pleasure regardless of size.

4. Girth or length?

5. Do all women hate doggie style or is that just me?

Since I know for certain that each of you has experienced BOTH ends of the spectrum...tell me how it worked out and what did you do to make the situation better.

That should do it for now. The article will be submitted to a men's mag as soon as I finish, so tell me-- Charlie or Tommy?

The Importance of my Soul Sisters....

2007-11-03T06:56:00.000-04:00

I count my blessing daily for the women in my life. I, being one who has never been overly drawn to female companionship (always liked playing with the boys) have developed some amazing female soul sisters. The amazing part is........some of have been in my life for decades.

As a young girl I found myself completely uninterested in "girl things" such as Barbie, playing house, dress up, all that crap. I enjoyed baseball, dirt bikes, wrestling matches with the neighbor boys (ha ha) and pretty much anything that would put me with the boys. I have to wonder if there is a correlation between my comfort zone with them in the past and how I view them today.

Anyhow: Today's topic is dedicated to my beloved handful of female friends who have seen me at my absolute best and followed me through my absolute worst.

A few of my favorite episodes with each and why I love them:

Hilly G.--Shoe Shine Girls, Waking up in a strange place in Mexico, Hockey Players, Robert Plant episode, Myrtle Beach at Ohmas, bullying chicks in high school, my entire adolescent years, that forever bond.

Rhonda---The day you arrived at my store so that I could follow my dreams, the piercing, the many late nights feeling no pain and talking and dancing for hours, giving you my grandmothers ring, the strong support you always gave me--even when you new I was wrong, Hooter Days, that forever bond.

Sonnie---Terrible Tuesdays, plant delivery night, the day you walked in my store, your courage when the worst of the worst has happened, making cheese funny, how you always seem to be there in the morning, your sexuality, that forever bond.

Amy---My entire LA experience, the "G" level, when you do the little old lady, your courage to make big changes, when you forced me to fire you and then called me that night to party, busting in to all the cool clubs in LA, your ability to find me no matter where I am, that forever bond.

Denise---The newby of the bunch, Sunday morning's watching the people go to church, helping me find my damn horse, how I can tell you anything without an ounce of shame or embarrassment, your twisted incredibly bright mind, hunting down Tyler, your truck driver mouth, how you accept me for me, that forever bond.

I could go on and on about these amazing women. Ironically, with the exception of Denise...none of them are married, nor do they have children. I don't think there is one man good enough for any of them..........just my opinion of course.

My dear friends, I love you more than life itself. You have made me the person I am today and I feel it is important to let you know that no one could ever replace you.

Thank you for sharing my life with me.

sb

Be Proud of Your Sexual Past.........

2007-11-01T08:09:00.000-04:00

If you are above the age of 25 and have yet to sign that legal document that proclaims your love for another---odds are you have a sexual past. Good for you! If you are above the age of 35 and have yet to sign the financial proclamation of your love-odds are, you have an extensive sexual past. Lucky You!

I have never been ashamed of my sexual past, in fact, I am proud of it. There may have been one or two that I should have passed on, but is that something to be ashamed of? Hell no.

The "IF" Crusade supports the idea of woman enjoying and exploring their sexuality. The notches on her bed post should be symbols of her self confidence--not scars of her past.

So, in my opinion here is a list of benefits to having explored my sexual urges:

1. I don't feel like I have missed out on anything that has to do with men.
2. I am comfortable with my body and accepting of physical faults--every body is beautiful.
3. I have something to add to the physical act--too many women lay like a crime scene chalk line.
4. I can openly discuss topics related to sex with my partner-which is the key to great sex.
5. Because of my sexual ability-I do not worry about my mate looking elsewhere.
6. I understand and have mastered the male anatomy. What do they really like, where not to touch, where to touch, how to make it last longer, working with smaller/bigger mechanical parts.
7. I understand and have sexually mastered the male libido. Why they don't always snuggle, what not to say during and afterwards, why it is easier for them, different forms of sex, etc.
8. I have no problem introducing myself to men or telling them exactly what I want because I know what it is.... (the challenge is getting them to listen).
9. I can do spectacular things with my body, mind, and soul that should be shared.
10. Positions, positions, and more positions.........

All of this information was passed on to me by my past lovers and I would like to thank them. So, tell me...what is wrong with a woman who has a phenomenal sexual past? Is she not to be trusted? Is she a dirty pirate whore? Or is she a huge advantage to some lucky bastard?

Why Hillary Clinton Won't Win............

2007-10-31T07:10:00.000-04:00

OK, I have no idea if Hillary Clinton will be our next president or not, but what I do know is we (women) are quite often our biggest enemy. Let me explain.

Why are some women so cynical when it comes to another woman's success? Being that women have been fighting for their equality since the stone age--shouldn't we support each other when something great happens?

Yesterday I overheard some women discussing a past coworker who has moved on to bigger and better things. Instead of using that situation to aspire towards their own success, they spent about 30 minutes coming up with reasons why she didn't deserve the job. It was pathetic. I on the other hand thought, "Good for her and then the positive spin jumped in and I thought--hey if she can do it, so can I."

We are the cause of our own repression (not all of us, but many). Why wouldn't we support a woman when she betters herself and her situation? Is it jealousy? Why not stand behind her and open some doors for yourself? When the women congregate and decide that one of their own is not worthy of the job--doesn't this send a message to the white bread men who are still running the show? If you have ever worked in a company that is a nesting place for females...you know what I am talking about.

If I meet a woman who is successful and worked her way up...I immediately want to know her. I am not threatened by her...I want to learn from her. Number one rule of success: If you want to be successful you MUST surround yourself with successful people. If you spend your days standing around a bunch of complaining women/men who openly flaunt their weaknesses by cowardly disgracing others---then you deserve to be where you are and get comfortable because that is where you will remain.

If you know someone who has recently acquired a new job or promotion---go and give them a big old pat on the back because they deserve it and are probably a little rattled trying to deal with it all. You never know how that 3 seconds of support might just open a window for you to slither in.........WE MUST SUPPORT ONE ANOTHER LADIES!

Any thoughts?

Taking in Strays.........

2007-10-30T07:34:00.000-04:00

You either invite them in or you close the door and worry about them until you are blue in the face. This is my experience with strays. So let's play a game--am I talking about the black cat who just happened to show up at my house the week of Halloween? Or am I talking about the people that come into my life? Here's the answer---BOTH. Some of us are magnets for the lost and needy. I am one of those magnets.

I can't say that I will always let the cat in, but if I meet a slightly wayward person, I feel it is my duty to listen to them. For example: A younger fella that works part time with numnuts came by yesterday. Within minutes I found myself prowling through his mind to find out which direction this young lad is heading with his future. As I expected, he was fumbling daily with what he wants to be when he grows up. So what do you think happened next?

I spent 2 hours discussing his potential and giving him a good old kick of confidence. He left with some serious "pep" in his step and within an hour sent me his resume and some very kinds words of how I made his day. Somehow, they find me. My point with all of this---I suppose it is not so bad to be the one that can motivate the troops, but when the battle gets too much to fight alone---will the soldiers be standing next to you ready to brawl? Let's hope so.

If you have someone in your life that takes any amount of time to support you in your constant quest to find yourself---make sure to pay it forward. If everyone could start their morning as this young lad did, think of all the great accomplishments there would be in a day.

I think we all need a morning motivator.....are you that person or have you recently taken your time to enhance the life of another? If so--how did it go?

I am Horribly Addicted....

2007-10-29T19:19:00.000-04:00

Yesterday afternoon my beloved laptop crashed. I have not stopped trying to fix it since and I am completely and utterly lost and having severe withdrawals. Sweats, shaking, mood swings, the whole nine yards. As I sit in Numuts office uncomfortably using his link to the outerworld I realized something.....I am an addict.

Harsh words, harsh reality. I think I need some help. OK, joking, but MY GOD what did we do without these things? Did I really talk to people? Eeewww-who in the hell would want to do that all the time. Hence the problem with our society. Cowardly communication hidden behind a 17" monitor..with the exception of this fabulous blog!

Well, if I don't get my addiction up and running by tomorrow I am either going to seriously hurt someone or no one is getting any Xmas presents from me. Best Buy here I come! I enjoy my addiction and truely enjoy all of you who are my enablers.....please keep it coming and feel free to throw some of your favorite topics out there and I will post them. xoxo

Why I get Tired of Doing the Right Thing......

2007-10-28T05:56:00.000-04:00

The older I get, I realize that you can be a complete piece of shit and people are going to be good to you. You can be an "ark angel" and people are going to stomp all over you. Not all the time, but it seems the worse you are anymore--the better you get treated. I don't understand it. My point--you can do absolutely nothing and be treated like a superstar. For people like me, who genuinely like helping others, but rarely get any recognition for it---this has become somewhat of a battle.

After my tremendous downfall in 2002, I realized that when the going gets tough...the help disappears. So I decided to do the same---disappear. I made a dramatic change, moved back up North and decided to focus on living as clean and proper as possible (without over doing it of course). Having been at that for almost 5 years, I have realized that it didn't make a damn bit of difference and you could be the next freaking Messiah and people would still run all over you.

If you are a natural born giver (like myself), imagine how much less stress you would have if you just stopped. No more listening every time the phone rings to someone complaining, no more loans or cash donations (since I never get the money back), forget about all the favors and putting your life on hold for others..........just stop doing all of it!!!!!

I would like to learn how to do that. I am not suggesting that we ALL become selfish little trolls, but maybe those who always put others first should just stop for awhile. Like a union strike without the picket signs. I wonder what those around us who expect this added care would do? Maybe, just maybe, they would turn the tables and start taking care of us?

Any thoughts or should I say advice on how to be less giving? I know--horrible suggestion on a Sunday morning, but I hate Sundays.

So Who's Maturbating These Days? Anyone?

2007-10-26T15:49:00.000-04:00

OK, a very dear male friend of mine was invited to read and respond to our little platform here. After telling me he enjoyed the content (with the exception of the 2-inch Charlie insert--sounds personal) suggested some material for us to cover. So, I ask you my dear sex kittens to please elaborate and do it with your ever so explicit style....

My favorite time of the day to masturbate is mid afternoon. It generally occurs after sitting on my pretty little ass clicking away all morning and suddenly, out of nowhere---BAM! The urge hits me. To my dismay-Numnuts is at work and since he is the only one I am ALLOWED to let help me with my dilemma--her comes the tub! How on earth would a girl live without her tub? Rub a dub dub....if there were only three men in it.

Anyway, you all know it---it is really easy to do. Hand held, streamline, pulsator, whatever. Basically I am looking at 3 to 4 minutes, eyes closed, good graphics......problem/solution. But I have a confession to make....get ready....it is really sad....here it comes...."I am running out of f--king material. " Yes, I said it! I have used up all of the good stuff in my head so many times--I am out. What a shame--don't you agree? It is bad enough I am trying like hell to not fall prey to the "sheisgonnacheatonyou" disease--now I have to work harder for the ooohhh-aahhh -ooohh-I-love-me session.

And you?

Another Reason I Don't Want to be a Mother.....

2007-10-26T11:43:00.001-04:00

As you all know--"I do not want children." One of these days I will take the time and provide 6 billion reasons why. Those of you who are mothers..good for you, but here is just one more reason why I will never sporn a designer purse snatcher---

I never want to say something so worthless as: "You have to love him--he's your brother!" Only a mother would say something so pathetic. I see that as: Because he is my brother is even more reason why I don't have to pretend to like him. Wouldn't want to be rude to strangers.

OK, sounds harsh but damn--what is it with mothers and their sons? Mothers are the reason we have f'd-up husbands and boyfriends. My mother (who I do like) would defend my brother if he were standing there holding the bag, in the bank, with a ski mask, yelling give me your f---ing money bitches! She would say it wasn't him. I swear.

I think this mother-son thing is something we really need to explore. If you are a mother with a son and you still have a chance at making him someone we do not complain about on a daily basis---please, please, please for the sake of the little perkies of the world--quit defending him and slap him upside his head.

*For the record, I do love my brother, but from a distance. He like so many other men I know screw up, have momma coddle them and then before you know it some other stupid woman is catering to his madness. Just pisses me off.

I am Woman Hear Me----Snore!

2007-10-26T06:37:00.000-04:00

What happened to the enthusiatsic, free-spirited, mini skirt wearing, high heeled, I am gonna get laid tonight vixens that we used to be? And don't try and say that you never were this woman because if you weren't then you wouldn't be on this site.

Did someone knock on my door and tell me, "Hey Sun, just wanted to let you know that it is no longer acceptible for you to visually and mentally express yourself as a fierce sexual being." I don't recall that happening, nor do I remember the last time I put on a hot little number and thought, "I am going to turn some heads tonight."

I know the first response to this will be--because we are a bit older now. Who the hell made up that rule? I will tell you---our men and the other woman who are not secure enough in their own relationships to sit next to us in a bar when we are feeling our finest. And shame on me for complying with their inadequecies. I am not suggesting we all dress like two-bit-tramps, but damn ladies, if you got it going on (which you do) why in the hell DON'T WE FLAUNT IT?

I know that every one of you right now is saying: Oh she's crazy, my cellulite is horrible, I am too fat to do that, where am I suppossed to go all dressed up? Answer: I didn't say strut around in your bikini, we can buy clothes that fit right, and go out by yourself if you have to. I am the queen of that one.

Last week I took myself to NY. I spent three days searching for some great designer bargains and looking for...well--me.

What I found was a great Prada purse, some fab boots and small slice of me. The part I speak of that has been rediscovered is: I am and want to be sexy. I thank the beautiful ladies of NY for that. Everywhere I went there were hundreds of confident, beautifully clad women walking around in their thigh-high boots and leggin (all shapes and sizes). Every one of them looked stunning....and no they weren't all fashion models. Many were woman with strollers or simply walking to get their morning fix of Starbucks.

My point with all of this: "It is healthy to feel beautiful." Just because Numnuts doesn't notice anymore--it doesn't mean I don't have to notice anymore. Any thoughts?

If you have a few minutes for a laugh click on this link. She calls herself Charlene. Mindless humor has it's purpose......
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qebuo12efos

I Admit it: I Slept With a Married Man and Liked It!

2007-10-25T11:20:00.001-04:00

Oh no---the forbidden fruit. In advance--let me state this clearly for my married gal pals and those who are judgemental.........

"I do not condone adultery and have not gone out of my way to be a part of someone else's adulteress attempts, but let's be realistic shit happens." sb

YES it happened...and YES I knew about it...YES it was exciting...would I recommend it....NO! Would I do it again...I might pretend for the thrill of it, but he would have to be exceptional.

I was quite a bit younger and "hormones a racin" and he was more than readily available. Let's face it, 36 years and happily not married--my numbers are up there and of course there are going to be at least one or two married ones in my bookworthy sexual experiences.

Anyone feel like fessing up?

My how the tables have turned.....

2007-10-25T07:09:00.001-04:00

In the course of one full day (yesterday), I had three different women tell me that their husbands/boyfriends never want to have sex. Two of the three were married and these remarkable women (ages range from 30-54), all share the same disease--as I like to call it. They are committed to men who are either too tired, too grumpy, or just too damn stupid to take a few minutes and satisfy their women. I'll name it---"Sheisgonnacheatonyou" disease.

You might wonder how on earth I could have three different conversations like this in one day, but somehow--it finds me. Nevertheless, I being one who recently shares in their dreaded symptoms, can not believe what I am hearing and lately experiencing. For the record each of these women are full on committed to their relationships, but have considered a lover........the clock is ticking. Yes, everyone knows it is wrong, but this is the reality.

My father tells a story about his grandfather that is just charming. "Pops" as they called him was 69 when he had his last child. His beloved, some 20 years his junior had to beat him with a broom almost daily to keep him off her--seriously. Pops died at the age of 82 with a huge shit eating grin on his face. This was a happy man.

Has society turned our men into women? I have never been a fan of the woman who holds back sex from her man out of cruelty or says she is too tired all the time, but I am disgraced that these so-called men are denying their beautiful women their much needed romp! I have known some great male counterparts who have found comfort in another woman because of the lack of affections at home. I never condoned their actions, but sadly, I am starting to understand.

Gentlemen.....if you are reading this, drop what you are doing, go and find your mate, DO NOT SAY A WORD, and use what the good lord gave you. Beware of the day she stops asking you for it. Odds are--she has found a cure for this horrific new age disease.

OH MY GOD! I am his mother...........

2007-10-24T07:28:00.000-04:00

I had a huge epiphany this morning! I am my man's mother.......please God help me.

Let me explain. Numnuts works likes there is no tomorrow. So, being the loving, good-natured "IF" woman I am, I make sure that he is well catered to. He does not ever want for food, clean clothing, cleanliness, warmth, I fix his boo-boo's, listen when he is angry, help him with his homework and pretty much take care of anything that goes wrong with him.

"I am his new mother"............yuck! I have no idea how that happened, but I do know that it may be the cause of our "lack" of excitement in the bedroom, or any other room for that matter. Oh, I guess I hadn't mentioned that yet. Yes, I of all people have fallen prey to the same old sex syndrome. Can you blame him? Who besides Freud wants to sleep with their mother? What have I done!!!!!!!!

Several years ago, I had a great conversation with my dear friend Vicky (sitting poolside at her million dollar condo-provided by her husband Tom) and mildly induced by a few glasses of wine among other things--proceeded to tell me in a slow, blue-blooded, southern draw......

"Girrrrl, I don't clean, I don't cook, no laundry, no grocery shoppin......nada damn thing for em!" Since I knew Vic and knew this statement to be 100% true I asked her simply, "How do you get away with it?" Vic, with a great mid-afternoon slur said, "He has one of two choices--either I do all that shit like his momma used to and never fuck em, or I fuck em. Plain and simple." She now lives in a 3 million dollar pad on Bald Head Island......still doesn't cook.

If I had only listened to Ms. Vicky!

*Had to use her actual words--you had to get the full effect.

HORMONAL HELL--- Just Rip it all out Doc!

2007-10-23T07:23:00.000-04:00

As usual, I woke up this morning at the crack of ole dawn, but to my dismay--I started crying. Me?--crying at 5:47 AM!! It lasted for a good hour or so. The person that I live with who used to be called fiance'...most often called boyfriend...sometimes called roommate...mostly just know him as workaholic, took some of the brunt. We see each other for about 10 minutes in the morning and maybe 1 hour in the evening 6-7 days a week. I suppose lucky for him he had to leave for work his normal 12 hour day (by choice--he loves his work)! We will get to him some other time. Big issue: He's a workaholic and I am a horny bitch. The two do not go well together.

OK, so now I am trying to figure out what the hell that was and why? Just to clarify, I am NOT a crying kinda girl. In fact, the last time I cried is when my beloved grandmother died. That has been almost a year. I am gonna throw one out there an blame it on the freaky hormones that we women have so that we can produce those little designer purse snatchers. (hope you get it) kids=less designer purses..........shallow, I know. Anyway.....................

For those of us in the late 30 something crowd whose decision to NOT have babies has taken is mark.....the doctor's should just rip out all of the mechanics that make a morning like this possible. Far as I am concerned--they can leave the part that gives me pleasure--just the opening will do and trash the rest. I apologize to the mom's of the world for not including you, but you chose to use that function, you get to keep it! Kidding Roxy....I know you are the queen of hormonal hell right now! Truthfully, if they came up with something good--I would let the mom's have it first--they have suffered enough.

But seriously---what the *^#! is going on? All the pills, treatments, therapies and damn technologies in this crazy mixed up world and they can't cure the misery that plagues every woman--HORMONES! Shame on them and if they are men they deserve every once of madness we give them. I actually feel wiped out over what happened this morning. An "IF" woman does have her down time--believe me, but she picks herself up, brushes off and posts a blog about it!

For future conversations--I will name my significant other Numnuts. Stay tuned for his story!

I'm gonna be a superstar!!! What about you?

2007-10-22T07:25:00.000-04:00

OK, I never really considered that one, but God knows I have changed my mind so many times on what I want to be when I grow up it is exhausting. Most of the people I know are not doing what they dreamed of.......why is that? Don't we all have the same opportunities starting out? My response to this is NO! When we are children we believe that we can be anything--once we became adults--we are the ones who tell oursleves that we can't.

I come from of family of workers, but not leaders. As much as I love my parents, they never instilled that "you can be anything you want" mentality in me. I discovered that one on my own in the last few years. Quite often I think back about what I have done in the past 20 years and want to punch myself in the face for not realizing my true potential. Ever felt that way? But I probably wouldn't change a thing.

I have realized it is OK to not know exactly what you want to be, but it is not OK to think that you will never be that superstar. At what point are we to throw in the towel and say, "It's too late now!" My answer: Never! Here's the way I see it---I am 36, odds are I will be working at least another 20 years or so....what else would I be doing? If I combine all of the good and bad jobs, experiences, adventures, etc. and evaluate the skills that were acquired with each---I can be masterful at what I really want to do with my life. We too often forget how skilled we really are--because we do these "jobs" that don't let us apply it.

I look at the first part of my job history as the training. Can she communicate? Can she manage? Can she implement and complete a project? Can she get there after partying all night? Sure did and sure can...and so can all of you. Having gone back to school as an adult has been a real eye opener for me. When all is said and done, I will have about $60,000 in new debt, a piece of paper that states I have put my entire life on hold and the ridiculous two letters that are supposed to put me ahead of the game--MA. Truth be said---none of that will really matter when it comes down to the test on whether or not I can perform. That comes directly from me and my desire to succeed. Yes, the education is beneficial......but no, it does not and will not define me. My unique set of qualifications and past jobs will set the stage. It's learning how to apply them to what you love.

So what do I want to be when I grow up? Happily successful at something I love that brings some sort of good to this screwed up world--Amen. For the most part I am already doing it by refusing to do any old damn job just because I feel I have to. I would rather have less, then work at something that limits my minds capabilities. Think about it...if you are working in a job and struggling to make ends meet---why not at least for now, work doing something you enjoy. Odds are you will still be struggling for cash, but you might find that the shitty paying job that tweaks your interest will also open up that surpressed brainflow and the creative juices that have been sitting idol for far too long! Next thing you know you are CEO of ME Company! It can happen if you let it and each one of you knows it.

Any thoughts?

It's 6 AM and this is what I am thinking about.....

2007-10-21T06:15:00.000-04:00

If you know me---then you know that I get up everyday at 6 AM. Why? I have no idea. Whether you have to get up at this hour or you are just strange like me--do yourself a favor. Go outside on the deck, porch, whatever and look up. This morning I saw the most beautiful set of stars and lucky me, even a falling one. So of course I did that ever so selfless wish for my family and friends. Try it--the morning stars are amazing!

OK, now that I have gotten my soft side out of the way--let's talk about sex. Good sex, bad sex, same old sex. Had them all. Good sex in my mind comes from a couple of good sources.

The new relationship--very rarely does a new horizontal mambo leave you empty. If it does, generally it is over. I would say on average the newness lasts about a year. By that point "IF" you are the sexual diva that I expect my readers to be...you have tried just about every position possible and now it is time to get a little creative. The combination of great sex and true love is possible, but it takes two and open communication. If you stop initiating the sex or communicating your needs you are soon to step into vast growing number of women in the next group--

Good sex is always good when it is forbidden. You know what I am talking about. One night stands, the taken man, the old boyfriend, the boss, you get my point. This type of sex can be euphoric if you don't blow it by overthinking! So, what can we do to make our so called "respectable" relationship more satisfying? This is something we need to join together and figure out...............

Now the dreaded--bad sex. Missionary man, two pump chump, 2 inch Charlie, this one's for you Bob, and if I have to fake it one more time I am gonna kill myself--situations. What if you love the person who you secretly nickname? Most of us have just accepted it and figure--well it could be worse. I know so many women who just lay there and think--it will be over soon. That is not what an "IF" woman should do. You must fix this problem at once! If the relationship is new and it just isn't working do everyone a favor and move on. He'll be OK and soon you will be showing your famous sit and spin move to someone else. If you are there for the duration or have other reasons for remaining on that team---you MUST express your concerns. Tell him! Show him! Odds are he will at least try and comply. Be gentle for starters because bruising his ego is like chopping of a testicle, it hurts. If that fails...get a lover. Men have been doing it for centuries and let me tell you something ladies--so have women, but they are smart enough to keep it to themselves. That is a whole other topic we will soon explore.

Finally--same old sex. This pretty much falls into the bad sex category. We dearly love our significant other--but that once a week ten minute jaunt is just not doing it. So what do we do? Try dressing as a little school girl and be in the kitchen making his favorite dish one evening. Even if you don't cook--cook. You could be making a hair pie...(ha ha) and all he will see is that little checkered skirt and knee highs...they are all pervs. There are thousands of great ideas on how to spice up that stale mate....I would like to hear a few of your proven techniques. I am going to prepare a list and post it here soon, so I need your stories.

I could go on and on with this topic, but I wanted to get the ball rolling. Sex will certainly be a topic heavily discussed. For those of you who are just not getting laid at all----what the hell are you waiting for? Quit overthinking and go find a once-in-awhile-companion. Those are the very best kind! Rejoice in your freedom and do some exploring. It is ok to have casual sex, in fact it is wonderful. Just be smart, safe, and somewhat selective. Just make sure to call him a cab when you are done..........

Ok, here's the deal....

2007-10-19T20:15:00.000-04:00

After being slammed by my very good, but crazy friend who likes to call herself Roxy--I need to clarify a few things.

First, this blog is for all women: married, single, divorced, bi, lesbian, Chinese, red heads, polygamists, adulteresses, ministers, tall women...you get my drift. Yes, even my perky twenty-something vixens are welcome, but no whining! Just kidding.

Basically, if you have a vagina and can understand the language you are invited to discuss the issues that affect us all. More importantly we need to discuss the topics that we are not supposed to openly discuss. You know what I am talking about. I have decided to list a few of my choice menu items.

Bad Sex/Good Sex/Same old Sex
I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up, but don't tell anybody!
So what if I don't like kids...
Oh my god! He's married?
So how many have you slept with?
I hate when my husband.........
My kids are grown and I'm still horny (Roxy)
Changing careers....again!
My man does not want to do me enough---yes it happens.
Where to meet quality men--OK how about just any men?
I am 39, not married, am I too set in my ways?
Favorite and least favorite positions.
Fabulous and Forty--something.
Cougar and kitten--Hey I get to be both!

OK--that should do it for now. I will start the ball rolling on as much of this as I can. The rest will be up to you. If you are shy, please find another site. If you are not, you may want to use another name. If I know who you are--odds are I already know how dirty you are so no need to hold back. Salute!

Hey Roxy--I am sure you hate this picture too, but screw you! xoxox

"IF" he can do it..she can do it!

2007-10-19T08:13:00.000-04:00

Don't get me wrong...I love men. All of them--period. But an "IF" woman can do just about anything on her own.

She can.....change a tire, head a company, build a house, take out her own garbage, fix her computer, have casual sex, mow the lawn and pay for dinner. And the list goes on and on.....

We no longer need to be the "little woman" and it is about damn time. Can you even imagine having to wait for your man to do what you need done today? No way! How many times do you hear your female counterparts bitching about Johnny never taking out the garbage, or Kevin forgetting to check your tire pressure? Forget it. Do it yourself.

Once you develop the basic skills to fend for yourself you will be amazed at what you can achieve. There is nothing sexier than a woman in a tool belt---trust me on this one. Beware...your man or flavor of the month will not know what hit him when he sees you fixing the sink. The Internet can teach you to do almost anything and so can Home Depot (tons of men there). Pick a topic and learn something new today.

I am not suggesting that we let our men get lazy or neglect certain responsibilities, but I am suggesting that you learn how to do it on your own. An "IF" woman can bake it, make it, shake it, but never fakes it!

Ready, set, rant!

2007-10-18T23:07:00.000-04:00

She is smart, sexy, savage. She is confident, carefree, curious. She is.......every woman.

OK, well here it is--my long awaited blogging debut! So much to say and so little time. I want this blog to be an open forum for understanding the complex mind of the independent female. What is an independent female? A smart, sexy, stylish woman who is proud to be....dare I say it, alone. Oh, it must be so sad...that's what I hear all the time. No children? Why? Can't find a good husband? Must be something wrong with her. When are you gonna get married? WHAT ABOUT YOUR EGGS??? My response to all of this......I'll take mine over easy. My men, my eggs, the kids easily passed back to their parents and no marriage makes for an easy breakup when necessary. Doesn't sound so bad now does it?

Special note: We all know that it is quite possible to be married or in relationship and still be alone. Many of my esteemed married gal pals are the bread winners, Mrs. Fix It's and head masters of their domain. They are the ultimate "IF" contributors. Kudos to you ladies--I am sure we have a lot in common!

I know and love countless women just like me and I am ready to share the amazing experiences that come along with being a vibrant, successful, age is just a number--superstar! Our spirit is bold and our sheets are never cold. Tune in and enjoy the ride..........